Lachlan M. Harris. BSc.

My blog does not represent the views of Murdoch or any of its affiliates. All posts are NOT to be taken seriously and are written only for entertainment purposes.

Lachlan is no longer posting in this blog, please subscribe to "Road to Awesomenessness" (Please note there are intentionally TWO "ness" suffixes, why? Because three is ridiculous.) to read about full time work, living in state with no friends or family, more stalkees and more unusable advice.

It turns out, only the valedictorian and the person receiving the honourary doctorate get speeches. Sigh, but, I don't really want to waste a good speech, so I'll post it here.

Distinguished guests, parents, friends, undistinguished guests, Perth convention centre staff, ninja's who have managed to sneak in and the ladies and gentlemen of the class of 2011. People have never asked me for advice, but if they did, 'wear pants' would be it. The benefits of wearing pants have had substantial scientific proof in terms of retaining warmth, keeping off sun and hiding the fact that you're going commando. The rest of the advice I'm about to give is based purely on personal experience, the experience of people I know and pure conjecture.

NEVER UNDERESTIMATE YOUR SEXUAL APPEAL. A non-safe search on the part of your body you find least attractive will reassure yourself that someone not only finds you attractive, but would love to spend their Saturday night looking at pictures of you, then crying in shame.

NEVER BE ASHAMED OF PICTURES. Too many times I've seen people shy away from a camera, looking back you will not remember if you were there, and more ashamedly, those others that took photos will never remember you were there, eventually, you will be forgotten.

NO MATTER HOW MUCH A PERSON ANNOYS YOU END ON GOOD TERMS. You will not want to find out that someone who had so much more potential than you passed away, and the last thing you said to them was a lame "Mac vs PC" debate. In the end, nobody wins. As long as you don't get them into the whole "Mac vs PC vs Linux" debate, people are generally okay.

IF YOU ARE GOING TO GET GIVEN ATTENTION, MILK IT. If that means coming of a bit of a douche. Forget it, you will regret wasting your only opportunity fist bump the chancellor for the rest of your life.

YOUTH IS WASTED ON THE YOUNG. No matter what you do you will miss it, if you can occasionally muster up the courage to do something stupid with a bit of vitality, people will forget you are so old and envy you for appearing to still have energy. You are never too old for this shit. However,

ACT MATURE, PEOPLE MIGHT BELIEVE YOU. If you can occasionally muster up the courage to act confidentially, talk with a voice of experience and wisdom, people will forget you are so young, and envy the knowledge you have obtained and that the you will continue to excel far past them.

IF YOUR ORGANISING AN EVENT, WHICH INVOLVES CO-ORDINATING A LOT OF PEOPLE, SOMETHING WILL GO WRONG. You can only hope that it will result in an a man with a Bond villain accent saying "You're not on my list" And a graduate receiving honours and completing masterclass getting three separate applause's. Although she deserve it, master class is completing pretty much an entire degree in a year.

DO ONE THING EACH DAY WHICH SCARES YOUR FAMILY. They are full of good advice, a listening ear and a pillar of strength, but are jealous that they wouldn't dance across the stage to receive their degrees, so discourage will you doing so.

SHOW OFF YOUR TESTICLES. 

Many females I've met, I openly state that they have bigger "balls" than me. They have the courage to put up with, and pull through so much more than I have had too, that I must admit in terms of a pride of lions, they are the ones with the mane and 50 lays a day. You might think that when things become every day for you, that they are easier, that doesn't mean they are no less impressive. Occasionally use this a motivator. "I've moved across the other side of the country to no friends or family, the other side of the world would be a cakewalk." I guess some people want to appear humble, but if you know you can one up everybody in room by saying you started a foundation for terminally ill children, women suffering breast cancer, and a support line for people with depression, after not completing high school. You're allowed to silence a room every few months and allow people to take a long, hard look At their contributions to society.

DRINK STRAIGHT FROM THE CARTON. It's unhygienic but saves on washing up.

While we're on cheap tips while living alone, FABRIC DEODORISER SHOULD ONLY BE USED AS A DESPERATE ALTERNATIVE TO WASHING CLOTHES. You have to be willing to smell like lavender, and it doesn't make ironing your clothes any easier, in fact, most deodorisers are flammable.

STOP USING LADY SCENTED BODY WASHES AND SWITCH TO OLD SPICE. Although it will not increase your chances for a partner, in will make you stop smelling like Lynx. And that's fan-freaking-tastic.



DO NOT TRY TO ESCAPE FLOODING IN BRISBANE BY TAKING A HOLIDAY TO JAPAN. What can I say, mother nature is a bitch.


"Everyboooo-dies freeeeeee"


BE NICE TO MACHINES. It won't be long till they take over and all those times you said "F*****g slow computer!" will be remembered. And we are going out of our way to make electronics water proof, dust proof and shock proof, how will we kill them now?!

LEARN HOW TO BE A GOOD PASSENGER. You may not always be the one driving, tolerate others, you may know how to indicate, but few of you know how to ride a train, you do NOT just fill the entry exit space, that's being a DOUCHE. Spread to the isle, I should not miss a freakin train cause you don't know this.  And on the same note, if someone is trying to get off, MOVE. You are not the only one on the train.

KEEP PEOPLE ON THEIR TOES. When trying they'll become intimidated and they will become your bitch.


KEEP ON GOOD TERMS WITH YOUR FAMILY when things get bad they'll listen.


KEEP ON GOOD TERMS WITH YOUR CLOSEST FRIENDS when things get bad they'll listen and give advice that doesn't make you feel too bad.


Maybe you'll get married, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll have kids, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll be found dead in your home at 35 getting eaten by your cats.


DON'T CONGRATULATE YOURSELF TOO MUCH, OR BERATE YOURSELF TOO MUCH EITHER. There's always someone you're better than, but constantly push yourself to make sure of that. There's always someone who will be better than you regardless of how much you put in. Use this person as an inspiration, to push yourself to your absolute limits. 


BE WILLING TO ADMIT THERE ARE GAPS IN YOUR KNOWLEDGE. EXCEPT IF YOU ARE IN A JOB INTERVIEW. In which case you know a way to solve the Israel/Palestine crisis, a way to slow down the world population and found a way not to get toast crumbs in the butter container.


Remember that WORRYING IS USELESS. Worrying is about as effective  as completing your process map by working on a blog post.  


BRUSH YOUR TEETH. Toothpaste contains sodium fluoride, which a few people are convinced is going to kill them. These people are not aware that nearly everything can kill them, the simple act of taking a step inside into a world of viruses and pollen is actually good for you, or at least, your future generations who build up immunities if you have the courage.


And finally success is really what you make of it. For me, the definition of success is doing something you love and doing someone who loves you. If you can get paid for the prior, you should feel like that's purely a bonus, and probably even over paid. If you're getting paid for the second, well, I'd consider a career change.  That movie where the girl falls for the escort, yeah, that's just silly.


But trust me with the pants.

Disorderly Accounts of Alumni Life

My blog does not represent the views of Murdoch or any of its affiliates. All posts are NOT to be taken seriously and are written only for entertainment purposes.


WARNING. THIS IS LONG. TOO LONG. I have worked on and off this post for four weeks, as a result, it's reached critical maths. As a BIG favour, I ask you to time the time it takes you to read this post and put it in the comments section, post it on YouTube, Facebook, Twitter or tattoo it on the lower half of your body. You are able to post anonymously so you have NO excuse.




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"Not every end is the goal. The end of a melody is not the goal, and yet, if it has not reached it's end, it has achieved it's goal." - Nietzsche


"We have a staff member leaving us today."


The principal of the department is taking the attention of everyone away from the reasonless free cake provided in the staff room by giving it a reason to be there. Which of course makes the cake actually lose its value. Seriously, no such thing as a free lunch anymore. And yes, this cake is my lunch, and it is delicious.  I do sit up a bit at the sound of these words. I mean, could he mean me? Possibly, but lets not get our hopes up subconscious, I mean, you've dealt with the principle twice. Once, one my first day, and a second time setting up a dual monitor. Which he left the room for, and didn't come back when you'd finished. And still wasn't back 10 minutes after you'd been spinning around in his chair. I've shared less than 10 words with him, most of which were "Hello" and my name. So lets stop eating, show some respect for the other person who happens to be leaving today and pretend I remember their name and if I've done anything for them.


"From what I hear, they are moving to Brisbane..."


Lots of people move to Brisbane, before finding out that Dreamworld is over rated, Movie World is always being renovated and the beach is always closed due to sharks. And it's raining at the moment. A lot. And I'm not definitely moving to Brisbane there's still a very not nice place at the back of my mind, playing out a still highly possible reality that me learning BGP at the last minute wasn't enough to save me from a possible year of awkwardness of having to give up the recently graduate position and having to re-apply next year.


"To work for the ATO."


I like attention, and I was rejected on my first day when my boss had to call staff attention towards me, as opposed to the principle, who, in the course of two hours, had forgotten out 6 word conversation. But this is odd, I feel kinda embarrassed handling this, there are many faculty who have been here longer than I've been alive, and I'm getting attention after being here for nine months.


"Would Lachlan Harris please come up here."


Just shake his hand, say thank you, mouth a bunch of other random words, smile nod your head, then sit down. Fake a smile so you don't have to admit that there is a possibility that I'll be back next year to stuff up more. 


"Thank you Lachlan, it's been a pleasure having you and we wish you all the best for your future."


I like that though, he's not just saying good luck for Brisbane, as much as I love Australia, I want to work all over the world, I mean, it's not just Australia which has the Internet. I know that to get the Internet speed I'd really like I have to work in South Korea... Hmm.. Yep, worth it. They only filter and censor the news. Filtering the news isn't denying the right to information, it's just plain old journalism - Right now they are people who are getting paid to make other people believe that optic fibre is the most terrible form of transmission cable available. And that's terrible. All that proves is people are manipulative and people are willing to be manipulated.  Seriously, how the hell do people get degrees in journalism and statistics?


There's also San Jose. Awww to work for Layer3 on the actual real backbone of the entire Internet. I don't really know anything about San Jose but that there's a serious backbone there, but that's all I need to hear. And there's Internet on the space station, sure it's dial up speeds, but that would be a network to play on.


"I'd like to give you this."


It's a glass containing a pen and a badge, all containing The Departments logo and contact details. I don't care that I know there's thousands of them, and that he just piked them of a stack from his office. I've REALLY loved working here and I think the best way to remember it is with paraphernalia.


Then my boss speaks up. Says a few kind words that I've done a great job and this is me leaving rather than being let go. Gives me a pair of sensible socks to replace my loud yellows ones, and a Brisbane Lions cap just to blend in within Brisbane. Of course, I'm not a fan of any type of sport which origins were much more manly  than the way the game is played today, but I didn't care, again it was about the thought of being thought about. Personally I would have liked a Brisbane Bears cap, just to be ironic. 


Okay, so there is seven unfinished jobs that I know my boss has no time for, and really aren't that interesting, and I should have planned better so I could have completed them. But I feel like I really have earned my wage here.


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Oh God, I should have eaten before coming here. Damn, I don't even feel like playing TeeWorlds, lets just queue up some more downloads and watch Spadge play Battlefield or Minecraft, talk about nothing. Damn, I wish I could be as calm as the rest of these people. For the 8th time that hour I hit refresh. The page reloads, still showing "There are no results available at this time. B.S. My results have been set for a week now, they're being loaded into the database some time as we speak, but I know the system releases chunks of results to the website at a time. You know, for completed a degree in networking, I didn't learn a lot about server side processing. Okay, I could have done some more units about website construction and coding in PHP but I had a full three years with just my core. Maybe it's something to think about though. If I've failed any units, they don't run again till semester two 2011, so I'd want to fill up S1 with something. Probably IP Telephony, Damn, wish I could do that unit. Wait, no I don't, if I can do that unit that means I've failed something, I've lost my Brisbane job and I have to find some other work. 


I nervously explain to Spadge about the call I got. I shouldn't be superstitious, but, this was DAMN FREAKY. I mean, day my results come out. I've thought about it, and I think I'd be too embarrassed to apply for The Department again. So I get this call earlier that day from THE AUSTRALIAN COMPUTER DOCTORS (Maybe it's just me, but that kinda business name sounds like it can only be said in all caps.) saying they've been trolling a network, found me on a website I put myself on early 2009 when I had no job. I've never got any response to it. It just said I'm a geek and will gladly help out with doing tech stuff.


So THE AUSTRALIAN COMPUTER DOCTORS call me, saying hey what experience do you have. And I'm like "Have no girlfriend, so very little" and they're like "o.O ...Well actually, were talking computer experience, let's just a say a computer won't boot, it just beeps a few times." My heads like, sinch, had one of these a few weeks ago. "Ah let me see, well, after checking all the connections to the monitor to make sure there's no output, open it out, beeping motherboard normally means it's complaining about being too hot, or the RAM not being in properly, if the fan is working, and the RAM is in, look up the motherboard  manufacturer, a service manual should have the beep codes." He thanks me for the walk through and detail and then asks "What about viruses?" I say "Yes" hesitantly. He picks up the hostility in my voice and explain that it's a time consuming process doing a backup and wiping a system. And he's like, actually there's this really neat tool which just cancels running processes that it doesn't like. (I have since downloaded a copy and yes, it's good, it even comes in a screen saver container, as a lot of viruses and spyware like disabling exe's. This would have been good a couple of weeks ago for a friend but I sorted his out by just finding where the process was executing from, moving the executable so the boot up registry command didn't work, then deleted the file. And that was it, nice and simple. He then asks "Have you replaced the LCD in a laptop." I think for a few seconds and say "Yes." Confidently. Okay, so I only did that thing a few weeks ago where I opened up the laptop and played with the connector, but I could have just swapped it out.


He's like "Okay Lachlan, would you like a job?" I thought about it, declined stating that I had a job lined up for next year, politely thanked him for a 15 minute conversation which got him a person he liked and wasn't interested. He could swear at me after he hung up. Instead he said the phrase that I had been over analysing later that night.


"Look, if circumstances change in the next few days, give us a call."


I know, it was purely coincidental, but seriously, wrong choice of words.


I was now so nervous that I was downloading everything. A huge collection of kids films and TV shows, anything. My stomach growled again, I'll wait. I want my results the second I can get them. I started watching a movie. Only to find every fifteen minutes I would pause it and check again... Nothing. By now, it was after 9  I decided to give them some time. I closed the page. And just chilled. If you have ever been anxious, you'll know that feeling when it sort of drains away, your left exhausted but content. In a purgatorial bliss as you ignore everything. Let's just check my email, scroll through Facebook, check the latest of the comics I follow, just do anything to take my mind off the possible future, now becoming louder in my mind. Suddenly, 30 minutes had passed. I decided, if they're not up now, I'll go and eat.


They were.


The page loaded quickly and I noticed that the the line about results not being avalible at this time had been replaced with a table, my eyes looked down the grades column, confirming each result with my brain. It must of only been 3 seconds, but it felt like 10 minutes. Comparing the three results. Looking at the grades. My fate had been sealed. 




I like attention. I know what I screamed had no real bearing on anybody in the room. Making an exclamation to tell everybody the news I knew that only some of them cared about, but it was something I wanted to do when this moment had arrived, regardless of the outcome.


I then checked my course progress page, it had updated instantaneously and it was interesting to see the new results. 


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"I know it says 'Course requirements incomplete,' don't believe it, look, I have this second printout from the Murdoch website. There just hasn't been the official meeting yet."


"Meeting?"


"Well, I'm not sure if it's a meeting, but there's a group of people at Murdoch who don't realise that they have been made redundant by a bunch of IF statements on a website that manually check each graduate to make sure they can graduate and have fulfilled their requirements. But like I said, this print out from the Murdoch website, says i have completed all my requirements."


"I'm sorry there's nothing we can do. If your academic transcript says you haven't fulfilled the course requirements - You need to send your complete academic transcript onto your representative in Murdoch."


Seriously, she's going to trust a person manually checking, more than an IF statement. That group has to check thousands, they'd get bored make mistakes. An IF statement never fails UNLESS it's poorly coded. Wow, again, that joke just wrote itself. Perl is awesome.


"But, I'm not sure how long that will take."


"Again, I'm sorry, unless we get your completed transcript by the 31st of January you can't start the graduate program."


Ah crap, foiled by Murdoch. I know there's circumstances where the IF statement done by the website does not match the actual requirements of a student. Degree's change, and I'm sure that blanket updates of requirements happen on the website, rather than the course requirements being set per student. I mean, in a database that would be a MESS. Like the course requirement database already is, but worse.


So that's it. A series of COMPLETED's on MyInfo says I can leave but a single word says I cannot. Ah well, bureaucracy is bureaucracy.


"So can I get my security pass photo taken now."


"Hmmm, you're relocating I'll just check."


"No, sorry, you cannot. We can only issue passes for the Perth office."


Keep it together Lachlan. Although you can't do any of the things you came here today, you at least met one person going into IT in Brisbane, that's something, isn't it? You might have to work with him in the future, so, you know. Keep it together in front of him.


So that means this nation wide government department can't even centralise it's security system.


"So, when I get to Brisbane, how long will it take to get my pass."


"Oh, you'll get your photo done on the first day, should be on your third or fourth day."


And said department can't even get systems which make passes instantaneously, I hope they realise Fremantle Hospital just one up'd them.


Keep it together Lachlan. Remember why you are here. You are here because all over the world, systems like this currently suck. There's lots of red tape and people don't  like change. You are here because you know how to get stuff done and cut red tape by making red tape redundant. You are here because people enter spaces in between credit card numbers when they enter them into website. You know that you either make a form with 4 boxes, or strip the surplus input when it goes to the database.  You know that people use back button when making purchases online, then complain that there's two transactions on their card. You know you make a form open in a new window that does not have controls, you disable right click, add your own "BACK" button, put in large print DO NOT CLOSE OR CLICK BACK and add a clause to your website saying "If are having trouble, get your [grand]son/[grand]daughter to help you."


You, Lachlan, are here, because you can fix things. You can make a batch script that rolled out a virtual machine, adjusted share permissions and generally fixed a machine to work on a network when it first boots up. You sir, are needed here. If my insider is indeed correct and they are not rolling out SharePoint 2010 till 2012, you know that the servers will need to be upgraded to server 2008 and you know the troubles involved with making such a move. You know that they could, in the mean time, deploy Shared View (Although it does require and Internet connection and a Live ID, I'm sure it can be intergrated into an exchange server instead.) for collaboration in the short term as it would cause no conflicts to any systems currently in place. You know that their communicator server will need to be upgraded to Lync.


As long as Saint Isadore is smiling upon me, and I'm put where I need to be, I can fix this.


More importantly, I want to fix this.


Does this make a control freak? Most likely. but if it makes things better, is that really an issue?


Ah carp, you do need a Live ID to use shared view. But it's already allowed through firewalls by using HTTPS.


Ah carp I'm holding up the graduate line. Let's get out here get a milkshake. The Murdoch website does say "A couple of weeks" for graduate processing, if it's not done by this time January I'll freak out a little. Otherwise, let's get out of here.


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So I believe this is just about it for this blog. A HUGE thank you, just for reading it. I don't care if you think I'm weird, funny whatever. I just cared that you thought my opinion would help you decide about Murdoch Uni, or how to get through uni. Ultimately, it's up to you to decide, but I think I've been a pretty good endorsement, overall. So I would like you to give a big hand to Jo Hawkins again for commissioning this blog and for listening to me. And also, when the randoms at the Internet cafe have stopped staring at you for randomly applauding. It's been a good trip, and as I look at the three parking permits still adhered to my widscreen, I think about the fact that they are probably enough of a driving distraction to get a yellow sticker from the department of licencing, I also think about the work that I put it earning them and the work that I achieved abusing them by being able to arive 3 minutes before a lecture starts and managing to make the lecture on time. Well, at least some lecture on time after I realise that I've arrived at the wrong lecture theatre. Let's put this distraction of mine into some sort of perspective, not including this post, this blog has racked up:

• 61 Posts (6 Unpublished, because they went nowhere.)
• 72,841 Words
• Approximately 85 hours, by my estimate. 

WAIT, WHAT.

176 pages. (Including images. And the weird way my fonts likes to change randomly, blame the old blogger WYSIWYG editor.)

That's... Longer than a dissertation. 242 pages of raw XML. What started as stupid incoherent scratchings and turned into long incoherent rants is really grown up now.  of course the bulk being my longer stuff this year, I can't believe what I used to click "Publish" and believe was "Acceptable length." Ah a pressing 349 assignment and the forced watching of a kids movie changed all that, aye, this final year has been the most interesting, IMHO, two events of handing in a major assignment with 3 minutes before it was due, causing a desperate run between the library at the IT office.  And it hasn't just been big for me - Murdoch have released a full retrospect of their year and boy is it insane. 

WAIT.

What's this? In December. No... No.. FIRST THE TWEET AND NOW THIS. Not just showing off the very helpful blog of Jess Eaton, who has done massive a work on educating good uni practices, who also hits twitter very hard. Johnathan's extremely helpful and humourous blog focused on aiding International students. I would like to put my condolences here for the recent passing of his father, and do hope that after a period of mourning he is ready to face the new year of challenges ahead of him. The recently lifeless, but very real and thoughtful blog of  Tara. The very mature perspective of Rob, whose been in enough places to know what he's talking about and offers very stimulating conversation about aspects of uni that us common students don't consider as much as we should. Jim Caro, who I congratulate for completing the mammoth undertaking of a Ph'd, his posts are the best signs that I'm going to not think about such things until I'm mature. And finally, the vastly underrated posts of Ashley Joseph.

Lachlan, you can't say underrated, he has more followers, more comments and more regular readers than you do.

What I mean is, it's not enough, it's like this blog, but if I was actually funny to more people than just the writer

Oh you don't try that self deprecating BS to get sympathy, it won't work the sixth time...

Sorry, I mean, it's just hard when you have a certain idea of what you believe is funny, and it's shared with vary few other people, it's difficult to feel appreciated for the hours of work I put in.

I know, but one day, you will find your audience, the words will flow more naturally and you'll be better. I promise. And when your posts are getting comments of people enjoying them all over the world you know I'll be right here saying I told you so and WAIT A MINUTE. YOU BASTARD. God I hate being a voice in your head, it really drives me insane. Seriously first schizophrenic ever who makes his voices leave in annoyance.

Ahem. And then there's this bullocks. I don't know, whether I'm still read by the communications team, whether I still get the occasional new read who is coming to Murdoch and looking for some reality to scare him/her out of it. All I know is, I put this crap here, and like looking your name up in a phone book, it just makes me feel good that it's still on Murdoch pages for a short while. It was there throughout this degree. A pixelated photo of a blurry smile, from a guy who didn't want to be anywhere else. I know it was probably put on there cause this image was actually posted very early in Dec and they didn't have anything to show for it. But the fact is, that Lachlan is me. I made it on there. The four people who got honourary degrees are only a number. The thousands of people with parking permits and nowhere to park are mentioned. The thousands of enrollments are mentioned (Notice how it's not a number of accepted, just a number enrolled. I see what you did there, Murdoch.) I'm a name. I'm next to some much better names, but I'm there. I was part of Murdoch in 2010. It wouldn't have been the same without me. No seriously, cause if there were only four names it would have been arranged differently and I couldn't do this.

Please don't tell me I was the first one to see it... Well, okay this blog has hit a WWII reference, that sadly means it has to come to an end. It's just the rules.


So, we've come to the thank you's now.


Blogs like this don't just magically appear there's lots of behind the scenes stuff that goes on, went on to bring this post to you and although I can't mention all the names here, these people are some of the most important people of my experience at uni and have influenced this blog in all sorts of ways, I thank them from the ventricles of my heart.

Sister #1

Sister #2

Mum & Dad

Other Family, astd.

Spadge

All commentors, including those couple of guys who insulted me one of which who taught he was a better blogger and then didn't start a blog. I'm sure you are a better blogger, I just wish you'd show it. And that spammer who thought I wanted to kill my mold spores.

Housemate #1

Housemate #2

Bet he doesn't mention me, the tosser.

Jo Hawkins

Other staff working in Murdoch publicity department who kept my URL there

The other staff who actually read this blog
Jonathan Gurney
Kacy
Jess Easton
Tara
Jim Caro
Ashley Joseph
Rob
All other students bloggers who aren't mentioned

MrDr. Christian Payne

Danny Toohey

Mike Dixon

Peter Cole

Sue Urbaniak

Person/s represented by bold/italic/bold-italic/underlined type faces

Awww... That was nice of him, maybe he isn't such a tosser

Designers behind InPrivate/Incognito/GhostZilla browsing modes

...

The Staff, Students and Other Faculty of Murdoch School of IT

The member(s) of MITS

The overworked Murdoch IT Service Desk

The Staff, Students and Other Faculty of the rest of Murdoch University

The entire population of Quendas at Murdoch University

The Murdoch Animal Ethics Commitee

The Staff, Students and Other Faculty members of The Department

Staff Members of ITTS Fremantle Hospital

The rest of the staff of Fremantle Hospital

The selection panel of the Australian Bureau of Statistics Graduate Program

My Pancreas

The girl I was stalking doing accounting

Stalkee #1

Stalkee #2

Stalkee #3 - #n
YOU

Right. Any questions? (As I was never asked any questions, I thought of some questions that I'd like to answer.):


What was this blogs purpose?
I really have kept posting because there's lots I like to vent. Normally with uni advertising you get the two extremes, advice for people who do really good, and advice for people who do really bad. There wasn't any middle ground.


So, this was really a blog for things you'd like to tell yourself to try and explain the uni experience?
I think you can really only write good advice to yourself. 20/20 Hindsight type thing. I try to keep my comments and ramblings a bit generic so that any people can relate to them, but it is difficult. If I'd helped anyone go to uni who was thinking against it, I think I would be most happy. If that person is doing absolutely terrible right now, I'm sorry I did that to you. I hope you realise you can't sue me, all these posts have been guarded by the "Your experience may differ, results are not typical" clause that normally applies to weight loss products.


So what's your current position?
I'm sitting down.


How is moving to Brisbane looking?
Scary as fuck. Which is the worst statement ever, the word "fuck" is never scary. In fact, I think it's probably  the least scary of all the profanities. But seriously, This is the second time in my life moving, and it's moving to a state in which I have no family and very few friends... Sure in my life I had hoped that I'd get to move all over the world. The concept of being a "Digital Nomad" interests me. Moving from city to city slowly changing the world.


You're a big believe in bs like "purpose" "true love" and "ninja's" why?
I can perfectly understand how people can't believe in things like these, it's all perspective, but I look at how my life has rolled and it's hard for me not to. I have nearly always  been in the place where I need to be. And I have some big ideas about developments that I think no one has thought of yet, stupid little things, but ideas I believe will enhance various parts of the industry like my hierarchical DHCP system. I just think it's something that needs to happen. As well as my Selective Host Interface Protocol, I mean, at the uni last week, trying to dispense an Internet down a switch, trying to use a Linux box as a router didn't work so well, but with my ideas on how to give an interface a "Purpose" (Yes, I know, but in my current scribbled notes I've called the designated use of a port a "Purpose" with several defined "Purpose" profiles, as well as application based "Purposes"


In terms of love, being in a state where I haven't been in a relationship makes the mind do funny things to try and make up for it. The vague hope that I keep getting "almost" into relationships, can only make me think there's one I'm suppose to be in. j But I mean, that's the other thing, I thought I'd need a girl to get through uni, I didn't. I did just fine, in fact, it might of ended up worse if I had yet another distraction.


I guess the benefit of being in another City means there's a higher possibility of a chase scene where she chases me through the Brisbane airport to stop me getting on a plane back to Perth. However a pre warning about doing this, Stalkee, I am going back to Perth for my birthday, and I wanna attend my graduation. So try a little bit later in the year.


And Ninja's? Well, Ninja's are a lot like Father Christmas the second you stop believing, you don't get any more presents, but in this case, the second you stop believing is the second you get the crap beaten out of you by someone you can't see.


So what's actually happened about Brisbane?
I was there and I submitted a rental application that will be used to apply for two properties. As of the 19th, I haven't heard back.


So how is the department coping without you?
Not sure. Hope it's doing okay.


Where do you see yourself in five years?
Watching TV.


After living with Housemate #1 for so long, do you still talk to him?
Yes, I saw Tron Legacy with him, which is pretty much as close as two males can get before people start thinking things


Is the 'Stalkee' thing just a cover for being homosexual, and your body is actually being repulsive as a natural defense at the possibility of being forced into a relatioonship that it does not want to be in?
No, at least, for now. And plus, I spent $520 to try and get with Stalkee #1, I think that counts for something


Wait, "Stalkee #n"?
I don't know how many people I will go after, all I know is it will be a finite amoun t, and hopefully Stalkee n was just chilling in Brisbane all this time 


Oh God, please do not just hit on every girl at the Mana Bar
With Ryu at the door? Hell no.


What colour underwear are you wearing right now?
none (wink) actually, it's because I'm currently blogging naked, as I often do, hence, I should never get into a job where I can work at home.


What colour crayon would you be?
White, you'd be like fuck yeah crayons and then be all like, wait... This is stupid... Why is there a white crayon?


Will you stop stealing questions from Ashleigh's blog?
No


Have you ever done anything stupid directly to your body not on purpose?
I cut open my right index finger with a pair of scissors leaving my laptop unable to recognise my finger print, burned the top part of that finger off with a steam burn, cut my left index finger open with a cardboard box, and cut the inside of my mouth twice.


Wow, that some life you had there?
What are you talking about, that was in the last two weeks. I'm not joking. I've hurt myself more in the last two weeks than in the rest of the year.


Did you ever have a best friend of the opposite sex?
Despite what you may think, I end up in the friend zone more often than you may think, in fact, I didn't really have a male friend until year 4. And after making aware of my feelings, typical stalkee behaviour is "Awwww... That's so sweet, but no. Let's hang out sometime though!" Every. Flucking. Time. And we're talking about 7 or 8 times now..


Left handed or right handed?
When I was young I was ambidextrous, in terms of writing, equally poor quality with both my left and right hand. I chose left, but the majority of other things I do in the right handed way.


You gonna drive to Brisbane?
Although my first few trip will definitely be by magnificent flying machines, it sounds and awesome change to listen to my music collection from beginning to end. Yeah that's right, I only have about 50 hours.


What's in your fridge right now?
20 Litres of juice, 12 litres of cider, 4 cans of sunkist and a packet of licorice bullets.


Party Hard.
You know I will


What's it actually like during a lecture?
Loop this vid for three hours

Exciting stuff.

Preferred communication method?
IM, but not Facebook IM. Instant Messaging is archived, you can search it. You can edit what you say before you say it. And you can ignore people. Brilliant.


Favorite unit?
I shouldn't say, lecturer's may read this...


Come on, you'll never see them again...
I might, and they might provide me valuable opportunities in the future


Could you really see Christian giving you a reference?


No, but Danny did..


Only because it made you move to the other side of Australia


I hate you.


If you could date anyone on Blogger, who would you go with?
Possibly Saskia. Or Ashleigh, or Diea, or Lia. Or maybe Kacy.


Wait, that's just all the females following your blog....

Notice how there are 6 people following my blog and five are female? Friend zone.

And Ashleigh has a boyfriend, regardless of whether you'd get along.  She solved her text size problem on her own. She doesn't need you. Forget about it you sick twisted strange little man.


I MADE YOU AND I CAN END YOU. But lets finish this post first, I mean, after all we've been through together...




Why did this blog post take so long to be put up?
Okay, well, mainly cause I kept adding to it, it begun with just me talking about results, then I actually got my results, so I added that, then the thing with Meet and Greet Happened, then I went to Brisbane to find a place, it's all been a bit of a mess, hence this post hasn't turned out as cool as I wanted it to be.


You promised us a live post, what happened?
I realised I'm very poor at actually talking, mainly cause I can't go back and correct things later on, so I tried a couple of times, and it turned out a mess.


Project Hindenburg? Why name it that?
Project Hindenburg was suppose to be a series of blogs atalking about different facilities on the Murdoch campus. It didn't really happen that well


Your blog titles are always slightly odd, why?
Usually, they make a very obscure reference to a game or viral video, sometimes just a poor pun, other times just how I'm feeling and what I believe the main points of that post are about. Last post for example was a reference to a book which was written in 1995 about the future of computing. Which said the Internet was currently stupid and totally wasting it's potential, so should be ignored. Before you laugh, he was right. He then started talking about the potential of writing an application that could run on the internet that anybody could use anywhere. Computer networks talking to each other across the world. If you've ever used blogger, Google Spreadsheet or Docs, Office Workspace, or web apps or used a VPN (No, not the Wireless Internet VPN, that ain't what it's made for.). You know he was right. No one really wants to know what you had for breakfast so why is that what we are filling the Internet with?! Although he didn't count on online transcations becoming possible and things like Amazon and eBay, so he re wrote the book a couple of years later which was more on the future of the internet.


What did you have for breakfast?
Cheese and Bacon English Muffin, glass of apple and blackcurrant juice, a V, a multivitamin and the blood of my enemies.


So who am I?
Erm. A number of people, sometimes the Italics actually represented someone, other times, it was the part of the my brain which acts as my straight man


This blog is finishing now... Where does that leave us?
Well, it's not quite over, I'll still do my review of graduation night on here, what I did on stage, what I actually end up yelling to the crowd, the names of the nice security guards who don't handle me too roughly when they throw me out of the convention center. Pissed that I used up that congraduations pun on my sister, still haven't thought of a better one. But other wise, this blog will sit here. Gathering dust. Holding fragments of three years well spent avoiding responsibilities.


While my life changes again... This time, it's REALLY serious. This time, I'm embarking on a journey that I hope leads me to a path, which in turns leads me to a lane-way which eventually to a road to my destiny of "Being full of potential, but never using it." THIS story will be immortalised.. HERE.


This is the story. Behind The Story. Behind the man. After the student life. In a little fable entitled:

You're making a big assumption, thinking you're going to be big...


Well, I have to be now, I paid for the font, logo and new URL - If I don't get hits of the coolness of using "Old English Text MD" and the watercolour brush in paint, then I don't know what will. It'll have the trip to Brisbane, snapshots of my jobs, getting drunk at the Mana Bar, Stalkee #3, getting drunk at the Mana Bar, the weird weather and getting my copy of Thief 2 signed by Yahtzee at the Mana Bar. I've heard there's other good things in Queensland, but seriously... Mana bar. First post will be up very shortly, with stuff about the actually place I end up moving into - That's all up in the air at the moment. I know I always say "Very shortly" but when there's something good to write about, I'll start writing about that.


Graffiti of the end:

"The Nazi girl screms 'violence violence'" "She Gets Hysterical?" "I always thought thought a Nazi would speak German..."

Okay, not typically graffiti, but WTF

"But I never learnt to drive stick!" "So this mess was you!" Fact: Firemen require a spotter when operating a fire hose, that is, a person standing behind them to absorb the force giving by the water pressure. Guys in toilets don't get that luxury.

"RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE...."

"or, format and reinstall"

Whoops.

"Piss in the fucking urinal... Or at least lift the seat"

"Ah my last crap in a Murdoch toilet. It's sad to leave, but I'm so looking forward to the future, and all the future toilet visits that presents..."

Oh and would you look at that. I can't log into MyUnits anymore. I've been banned... From the network...


Please remember to post your time.


Oh wait, no that's just scheduled down time.... Good bye.