Children's Films and Romance 3/3, and so the lion fell in love with the lamb and found out spare ribs were delicious

My blog does not represent the views of Murdoch or any of its affiliates. All posts are NOT to be taken seriously and are written only for entertainment purposes.

Final film, a film you probably haven't seen, and its' sequel, okay so really it's two films.


This is more of a film review, because a lot of people haven't seen this film and it's actually quite livable.


A couple of years ago a kids animated film got made in France. When it was given to the Western world, the distributor decided to make it appeal to a younger demographic and removed the really strong love scenes in the film.


The film bombed everywhere this cut down version was shown and did successfully everywhere else. The film bombed so hard in Australia, that the sequel is yet to be imported. You may of heard of it as "Arthur and the Invisibles." but the film I want to talk about is the UNCUT AND UNRATED VERSION "Arthur and the Minimoys" a film I liked so much, I got a copy imported from Greece.


Now, some of the first bit of the film's story is a little screwed up, there's a tall tribe in Africa, and a race of tiny people who get along great, and for some reason move to Connecticut. Let's just ignore this bit, Grandfather of Arthur had a treasure and went to hide it with the Minimoys when he got shrunk and was never seen again. Grandma's house is being foreclosed and it's up to Arthur to shrink, join the Minimoys and work out WTF happened.


And we meet said love interest for Arthur, Seleneya. Seleniya? See-len-e-yarr. Selenia. However it is spelt.


Now, Selenia is a head strong female protagonist who is pulling out a short from a stone, or at least attempting to. 


Yeah, "Aurthur" get it? First point why this film is watchable by a 20 year old, parody is very well done here, not subtle,  but clever. Pulp Fiction dancing during a sword fight, the great Hurbie reference I said above, but anyway...


So, as predicted, Selenia must go with Arthur to save her kingdom, huzzah! And even though at one point he steal the lace holding up her bodice there comes the first moment of Selenia, as Aurthur saves her and her brother's lives a stack of times, and she only has two days to find it mate, it becomes convenient that Arthur is that person to rule the kingdom with her.


Now I want you to do a little experiment, next time you have a headache, take the pill you want to use, and place it under your tongue, now instead of the usual time it takes for that pill to be broken down in the stomach and set to the brain, the paracetamol will be sent straight there. Only in a recent study has it revealed what the magical absorption under the tongue is there for. Turns out spit. But not yours.


It was found that your saliva contains quite a bit of testosterone, the absorption is there to give a person you're making out with, your testosterone, and inspire them to have sex.


i.e. Want a person to have sex with you? Give them as much of your saliva as you can.


Hey, I didn't design you! But if I did, totally would add this in. Awesome. Now following this line of Gross but interesting logic, it is guessed that this actually where the idea of fallacio  actually might of originated from, that the HUGE amount of testosterone in


Wait, I wasn't talking about a kids film at some point?


Ah yes, so Selenia, the very self motivated girl splits up with Arthur saying "You go find your treasure, I've got stuff to do" and he's all Starfish like "So she's like, 'k, probably going to die here, so I'll give my powers to you." For some reason, the first time a Minimoy makes out with another their powers are exchanged.


However, it is elaborated to the audience that they are now married and their "powers" was actually stuff like status in the kingdom and all the things that married couples usually share. I think this is an actual good way to explain it to the young audience, although you don't see groups of male and female Minimoys fighting about the definition of 'powers' and why two same sex Minimoys can't share them.


Aurthur is then congratulated on the wedding and how moving it was by the younger brother of Selenia tagging along. Another brilliant point about Weddings, they should be short, to the point and in a romantic situation. Like in "PotC: At World's End." 


Arthur gets thrown in prison, and after a delightful reunion with in grandfather, comes the corny romantic scene. The good one is at the end, this one could of used better words, cause 


Selenia: "I failed, Aurthur, I'm sorry all is lost."
Aurthur: "No, Selenia, as long as we are still alive and love each other nothing will ever be lost. 
Selenia: "Oh, Arthur you're so full of hope."
Aurthur: "Look at me, just yesterday I was a small lonely kid and today... I married a princess."
Selenia: "A happy princess cause she's finally found her prince charming"


Is just a little blurgh, they go to kiss and your like 'oh this could not get any..' until, like all best kiss scenes should, it gets rudely interrupted by the fact that an ancient Minimoy tradition that  after the first kiss, no matter how brief, 1000 years must pass before the next one occurs.


1000 years?! Oh, okay they have a weird system where 0.28 days = one year, that would mean well, 28 days is one moon cycle, so it would just be 10 of them. Holy shit. Ten moons. 280 days?!


So then there's a fight scene and Aurthur gets to drive Selenia around in a toy car, and then he has to go back and Aurthur's all like "see ya, gonna be a long ten moons" and she's all like


Selenia: "To hell with protocol!"


We see mouth, we see possible tongues and ears wagging. It's an impressive kiss as a replacement for "Let's have a long distance relationship" sex.


the treasure is found, the  house saved and the bad dude of the Minimoys kicked out of the kingdom and we end with both Aurthur and Selenia saying they will be patient.


And we proceed into its' sequel. Actually like 3/4 of the way through cause there's a few problems with the second one.


The halfway mark, congratulations.


Now Arthur has gotten more in touch with nature, including a scene with him sleeping next a bear and getting pee'd on by a wolf. Awesome.


Has Jacob pee'd on Bella? You sort of assume so when you think about it,he's territorial, she's young and experimenting with two unnatural beings. Yeah, I could see her going scat.


He's also spent the last two weeks looking at the moon, and you can tell that he's just a little bit excited about returning.


Meanwhile, the Minimoys are preparing for his great return with a great feast prepared by an Italian guy. How do I know this Minimoys Italian, he's got a mustache, he's short he says "Mama Mia". Apparently all Italians take after Mario. Wonder if he's got a princess in another castle?


The Minimoys themselves have also gone through a cast change, one of the disappointing things of the film. They kept Snoop Dog, but lost Selenia's voice now a lot of people say this was good cause in the original it was voiced by Madonna. Madonna was actually a great voice for Selenia because 1. You didn't SEE her, 2. Because she is old, her voice is slightly deep and mature. She's now voiced by a 12 year old, who gives her an unlikable perkiness, which makes me glad that she only has 4 or so lines in the film. Her wiseness is gone, she's now a twelve year old after two cokes. Sure I'm currently reviewing the after effects of a couple at uni, who have went from 21 year olds concerned about next year and 19th century poets and authors, to two 14 year olds who have found the sugar. Arthur runs away from his parents and almost kills himself a couple of times to get to the Minimoys, only to find she's gone missing. Long story short, being held hostage by the kick out previous villian, once voiced by someone who has a voice you don't mess with to being voiced by a drugged up guy.. 


Said bad guy then finds he's way back to the real world but instead of turning into a human he just gets big. Arthur appears to be stuck as a Minimoy but has he's beloved Selenia. The bad guy is out going to destroy the world and it cuts to black, awesome. I know there's going to be a third and didn't mind it ending like this.


I did mind:


1. Arthur being shown in a 5 second preview as a human, fighting two other full size Minimoys


Seriously this ruins the suspense, maybe it's best for him to stay a Minimoy with his princess.
Why is he the only one turned into a human when coming back? If he gets turned into a Minimoy going there, why aren't the Minimoys turned into people coming back? I'm guessing that Selenia will come back with him and for some reason turned into a human (Reason why Selenia is now voiced by a person the same age as the boy who plays Arthur.) and it'll leave me more pissed off then ever.


2. Poker Face performed by the girl who now voices Selenia and some girls of a similar age. Not a clever parody. Word for word. I hope someone told them what a "Love Glue Gun" is.


Uh.. Annndd... That's it. I'm out. almost 5,000 words, inappropriate swearing, sexual references and 3 of my fave kid's films all over 3 posts. 


Enough, now I must wait for a reader who actually reads it. This may take a while.

Romance and Children's Films Part 2/3 This really is just a wall of text

My blog does not represent the views of Murdoch or any of its affiliates. All posts are NOT to be taken seriously and are written only for entertainment purposes.

Ironically, for the whole time I've been writing this, my stalkee has turned off her block against me and wants to talk to me. But it was only about the next 349 task, so screw that.

At the end of 2006, a children's film was released that contained glamourising of furry little animals that often get overlooked in animated movies. It contained a unique brand of humour an awesome plot twist and a cast of high caliber names. It unfortunately was totally one up'd by Happy Feet.

Never the less, Flushed Away is a HIGHLY underatted (*boom* *tish*) film containing some beautiful parodies and an awesome sound track, as well as a great animation style. It's computer generated clay! Unfortunately it was panned due to the success of Happy Feet, but should be seen, not for it's love story that's a bit predictable, but the characters are awesome and the plot is very cool. Ends a little bit weak but very awesome. Alas, we're here to talk about penguins.

Weird thing. Top grossing Australian film ever. It's not about anything typically in "The Great Australian Film", and most of them have American accents. Hence, Nobody want to go see a film about middle class Australia :(           Although Kenny did quite well and it's made SplashDown one of the leading port-a-potty suppliers in the country. Ah so many topics so few readers :(

Now, again, I've been called an idiot cause I overlook the last five minutes that mumble was just went to save the fish. And that if animals get your attention no one will stop fighting until we save them. Bleugh, who wants to go see a film about hippies succeeding. Why was "The Young Ones" so popular? Every thing was blamed on Niel. 

But two key scenes.

Scene 1. Gloria is out on the ice trying to find a mate, she knows that she can have any one in the place. It's noteworthy that she always just sings the few lines of her heart song as the penguins around her promise her all the fish she can eat and all the penguin sex she needs. There is a lot of sexual innuendo in this film. I get that pretty much all penguins do is eat, have sex and waddle, but for a species that only mates once a year... Bit of an anti-climax right there. Anyway, Mumble comes over lip syncing to Ramon, Gloria is initially impressed, she knows that Mumble has been after her a long time, and deep inside she should realise they're going to end up together so she should really get over herself. After being disappointed, Mumble starts doing the whole hop thing. His hop turns up to be in perfect timing to Gloria's heart song, not just that, but it's unlocks the rest of her song. Now from over analysing ("Anal" "Sing", now that reminds me of farting, which reminds me of hot air, which reminds me of bullshitting to someone, therefore, Analysing = bullshit.) this  I reckon that this also shows the way relationships appear today, two totally different people, but they compliment each other, as the rhythm compliments the song, but also boost and aids the other person to become a better person.  

Okay, so Gloria how now realised, okay, my guy doesn't have a heart song, but he'll give me fish, dance his heart out and willing to lip sinc to Robin Williams. And now just to top it off he's going to save us all. Am I the only one seeing that this guy is making up for the fact that he's unique.

I guess that's another reason why this movie touches me is because I was brought up in that generation which was told "You're not weird, you're unique!" Now they've found out to be a bad idea, because you get people like me who have never grown out of the fallacy (I hate using this work cause I'm scared I'll type Phallic or fallopian or fellatio, all of which have nothing to do with what I'm trying to say.)   that I think uniquely, act uniquely. And by the number of people who hide my Facebook posts because they don't understand them, I think I am one of the rare cases that I am, dare I say it, special. Not in an elitist way, far from it, my scores indicate that my intelligence isn't great and I'm not a prodigy, I'm that special that no one wants to talk about. It doesn't impact me in such a way I get sympathy, it doesn't privilege me, it make me a guy with a few close friends, desperate for attention and then not sure what to do with it when I acquire it.

So this movie has always left me with a sense of one day someone will appreciate my uniqueness, and that I've got to be willing to swim the entire Atlantic ocean to impress her. I'm sorry, I think I might cheat and just do that bit of the Indian ocean to the South of Victoria, then I'll end up in the Australian zoo which have a much more awesome penguin enclosure.

Scene 2:  Mumble gets banished, and in the middle of nowhere, there is voice on the wind and this short scene has 3 fantastic lines, starting with "You've got a stalker!" Okay, so when I'm doing my stalker thing I go beyond cute into proper "Restraining Order Required" territory, but in the end, don't we want someone who totally go all Dante and follow us anywhere? Hence, the next best line of the scene

Mumble: "If you come with me, you may never go home."

Gloria: "Fine by me."

Mumble then complains that she shouldn't be there because she can indeed have a normal life, he isn't normal, he can't, she don't care and wants to join him anyway.... leading to, what I sadly believe one of the most romantic lines ever. Now although there are proper romantic films like Casablanca which do tell romantic stories that are timeless, I wish that hidden among those huge lists of quotes people have hidden away for pulling out on romantic occasions, I hope that a lot of people have this one with them

Mumble: We can't keep an egg safe out here, that is, if we ever had an egg.

Gloria: Yeah, well, I don't need an egg to be happy.

Mumble: You say that now, but what about later, when all your friends have eggs?

Gloria: Then I'll have you.

Now I'm sure this is probably just referencing a different romantic film, but the fact that this line exists in a kids film just makes it all the more awesome.

"Fuck what the others think of you, fuck what the rest of the world thinks of you, they don't see what I see. And I like what I see."

I am yet to meet someone who shares my love of this line. sigh.

And after Gloria one more time iterates that no matter what he does she's going to be by he's side for whatever freaky adventure they go on, until he calls her a bitch.

From the little I've observed, I've seen that there is a line, that if you stay on the right side of it, you can pretty much treat a woman like crap and there's a primordial urge to be more attracted to his dominant nature. I'd like to also state that I don't think ANYONE should be treated like that, but I am aware that this is backed up by science. At least, if you call psychology a science.

But touchy chauvinist observation aside, this scene concludes with Mumble trying to force himself to believe he made the right decision, that he loves her so much that he knows she deserves someone else. It's a tough bullet. Think ending of "There's Something About Mary." And seriously, a guy who hasn't jacked off  for 24 hours will generally produce 40mL of fluid. The whole famous scene is BS. Generally it'll only get as high as your chest but it is a bitch to get out of hair. And out of these 3 posts, that's the only information acquired by personal experience.  Don't act repulsed at me, everyone is curious at one point or another.

These scene ends with Gloria and Mumble walking away from each other, each occasionally looking back, there's nothing either of them would love more than to run back.

So whether these posts have made you go "awww" or throw up a little, I hope you join me tomorrow for its' thrilling conclusion and my live@edu review, because the 4 hours, 6 pages and 3,240 words of writing so far hurts.

I wish I could get the same sort of motivation for my other units

A critical analysis of romance in childrens' films. Part 1 of 3

My blog does not represent the views of Murdoch or any of its affiliates. All posts are NOT to be taken seriously and are written only for entertainment purposes.

The only way I can remember how to spell Analysis is remembering "Analy."


Good evening class. I'm not doing a media degree, and I only got a B for year Media, so take all of this as personal opinion from someone who isn't a master of the subject, and shouldn't really have any say in the matter in a public forum. Such as Roger Ebert thinking games aren't art forms. Have you played Braid or Flower? Seriously? Although you did write Beyond the Valley of the Dolls which I haven't seen/read personally but sounds like a damn good attempt at adding plot to a porno. Bottom line 1. Flower, Dynamo hell even Geometry Wars or Space Giraffe,  all deserve a special place. 2. I will not watch porn with plot it just makes me feel more ashamed.


Moving right along.


Dinner Table. This time last year. Dinner with housemate's parents.


H.M's Mum: Although I did like Wall-e.
Me: Wall-e was sweet. I mean, I really like the fact that all the director wanted to do was a story about how the last robot of earth wasn't turned off and the sweet love story that occurs.
H.M's Mum: Oh but there's much more to it than that, I mean, how obese humans have got because of the little amount of movement and the fact that we are still heavily a throw away society causing our own planet's destruction.


OKAY. BACK THE FUCK UP. (as in *beep *beep* *beep*)


Now when I was young, I was taught the idea that I was young and had very little knowledge of the world, so I learnt how to shut up. When I because I teenager I was all like "YEAH! I'M ALMOST AN ADULT I HAVE PERSONALLY FORMED OPINIONS BACKED BY A MORALITY SYSTEM THAT I HAVE CREATED OUT OF SELECTING AND COMBINING THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS OF OTHERS INTO A PERSONAL DEVELOPED MENTALITY OF RIGHT AND WRONG SO I CAN FORM MY OWN PERSONAL PERCEPTION ABOUT WHAT I BELIEVE TRUE TO BE ABOUT THE WORLD WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT DYNAMICALLY CHANGE DUE TO THE FUTURE ENCOUNTERS WITH OTHER PEOPLE IF I CHOSE TO CONSIDER THAT SELECTIONS OF THEIR PERSONA CONTRIBUTE OR COMPLEMENT MY OWN PERSONAL UNDERSTANDINGS!! YEAH!" (As you can tell I was a hoot to have around at leavers. 


This then changed when I went to university as I realised I was young and still hugely impressionable due to my lack of actual contrasting view points. I have since gone back to doubting my own opinion and knowing that there is a high chance that my own viewpoint will be hated by someone else. I'm still very scared to lodge an opinion I know is true.


And I guess in this circumstance the parent was trying to make me look at the broader picture stuff away from central themes. But in Wall-e the additional themes are all so negative. They're all so away from the simplistic idea which the movie started with, that I love to focus on. So I didn't continue the argument. I've learnt since that arguments are pretty much meaningless anyway. I have my opinions, you have yours why should I even challenge them when I don't want my own to be challenged?


Philosophical, yeah. I like that stuff. So anyway, back to the trash compacter, I, like most people I know of, love this film - hugely due to the fact of the fact that there really are no words for the first third of the film and you know exactly what's going on. And then it wins an Oscar. And then the director mentions "Steve Jobs" in his speech and it was all over and the movie has not be spoken of since.


The love story in Wall-e is pretty straight forward, 


1. Wall-e finds a movie and wants to hold someone's hand. Damn I'm so glad that he found Hello Dolly. He could of found "Heavy Metal" or "American Pie" or... "Hannah Montana" It's okay Wall-e, Miley Cyrus (Ironically, Sirus could also be pronounced this way.) is dead by the time you read this blog.


Sorry, could you just go make sure? Thanks.


2. Another hand shows up, it's attached to a robot that wants to find a plant.


3. For convenience of story telling, Wall-e has a plant.


4. No body can find the plant


5. Wall-e pisses eve off by breaking stuff and getting her in trouble.


6. Wall-e has the plant and they space dance in space. How does the fire extinguisher not explode? During this Wall-e gets the warm touch of a woman he's already been secretly hoping for. 


7. He also receives a discharge of static electricity. Now this is always described as a "kiss" or a sharing of affection. This, although unexplainable discharge from Eve (Damn right I'm going to use the word 'Discharge.') is the sweetest part of the non-verbal stuff displayed. 


Sharing of affection in human society is most physical and sweet between the couple and damn weird to everyone else.  The male of a couple I know gives the female a raspberry to show that he loves her. Side point 1, happy that he didn't decide to do this during the ceremony, side point 2, why is it always something people also happily to do babies? All that sweet baby talk is okay when it's refereed to as "sweet nothings."


"Lachlan, this post will come back to haunt you one day."


"Yes, Yes it will, and dammit I'm getting sick of waiting."


"oooOOOOoooo, looks like someone's writing a post to vent their true thoughts that the only reason that all they can see is the love story in Wall-e because they truely connect to Wall-e on a personal level in the fact that you also feel like an unwanted soul on an empty abandoned planet waiting to be rescued by the girl of his dreams.."


"Well, durr, you just wait until I get onto Happy Feet in a moment"


"You mean this post isn't even half over?"


"Nope. Okay, now chill, do not yell at the person on the other end of the phone, he knows his blog posts are too long and need a bigger audience."


"Isn't this blog about being a student?"


"349 is too much work , 338, Linux is fun but I hopefully won't need to use it daily and Perl is awesome, 362, I wish I could just get the commands for CBAC and VPNs in my head. There, you happy? And plus, the last post was about Murdoch Encounters and the next post will be about Live@edu!"


"Murdoch is outsourcing it's mail into the cloud?!"


"I know, right? Hell scary. But I'll get onto clouds next post."


I love the fact that Wall-e is just so not ready for that charge that he just floats off, that' awesome.


8. Eve reviews security footage of all Wall-e went through to make sure Eve was safe, including a game of Pong on the original Atari 2600 which is bullcrap cause the score won't reach 7000 on the original. Eve can't help but feel moved.


9. Wall-e is beaten up for the plant, because he knows it makes Eve happy. if (Eve == happy){ Wall-e = happy; } and as long as you have Eve, happy and Wall-e defined, that will compile in most 3rd level and higher languages. It is at this point where we have the sweetest line of the verbal portion Wall-e: Directive? (hands Eve the plant.) Eve: (Eve ditches the plant and takes Wall-e hand.) Directive.


"I have a new agenda, the one I was programmed to do is null. I've met you and frankly, right now, the most important thing above all others is making sure you're safe."


If that doesn't rip out your heart strings than only a blood thirsty axe murderer will. 


10. Wall-e reminds Eve that the replacements are on Earth, if she takes the plant, the ship will go to Earth and she can fix him. Eve is then ecstatic and  gets the plant and the ship flies home. 


Let's just ignore the awesome 2001 tribute even though it's awesome and point out the fact that the only reason the ship is going home is so that Eve can fix Wall-e.  THE SAVING OF THE HUMAN RACE TAKES A BACKSEAT. And I don't want to meet the couple that puts the human race in front of their love. And, thankfully, I haven't yet. Okay, I've met a few where there would be a few seconds hesitation, but then they think of something, I don't know what, maybe the time they've had together, maybe something one of them did for the other, maybe just something simple like the sex, and the human race is canned.


11. Eve fixes Wall-E and after some moments of being stuck in default, Wall-e's personality loads (Think about how you're computer isn't yours until it logs into your account.)


This is done by doing the hand hold that Wall-e has really wanted all along, and a second static discharge, this one created out of desperation, kind of like a kiss given to a comatose patient "I know you're in there somewhere and I love you, so you better wake up otherwise I'm totally changing my Facebook status back to single." (Speaking of relationship status why isn't there "Wishes @name would notice @name" "@name want's to Court" or "@name is @name's F-buddy" Oh come on, we all know it happens.)


"And their love was eternal." Although some people online have followed this up with "Only if Wall-e would agree to install anti-virus before they plug into each other." And I'm being 100% serious here, on select cartoon porn sites, they are plugged into each other, there is coolant fluid and several comments below the gallery consisting of "Why? How does anybody get turned on by this?" and then, by the same user sometime later "I just got turned on by this, should I see a therapist?" (Therapist, another word I can only spell by remembering "The-rapist".)


So that's how I see it. A love story. And if I ever get to code an AI for a robot with laser guns and the want to exterminate all meatbags, it's going to get a crush on another one. And I also want to see the next version of Norton released in a little foil package.


Now because that took an hour and a half to write, my next two films will be in parts 2 and 3.