Lock up your daughters, female companions and cattle, it's time now for another one of my rants!
But first I would like to thank one of the staff from Online Marketing who thought it would be nice to contact me just to say that it was Friday so they decided to have a few drinks and laugh at my blog, and thank me for my last few posts... Seriously I don't know what they were reading but it must of been very entertain, or my blog does get better with alcohol. Which ever, it was nice to be noticed, especially by staff, and hear some good things for once, as well them contemplating about what to do with the bloggers link, (I'd just like to be recognised as a second year-er, I mean, I've scored 24 academic points...) (Edit: woot!)(They have even said that more and more pages will be getting this "skin" the link is also accessible on the Murdoch future students site, under one of the tabs, under one of the links there's a quote from Readers, Bush Court, Sunshine and Kabaabs.) But it is nice that they are thinking about it and then today being contacted by PR as they are about to start pushing for more bloggers and wondered if I had any stats that I could give them, unfortunately, I haven't actually added any web watches to get viewer numbers. I could say that maybe a couple of people have read this blog, whether they do anymore is another story. You see I'm not egotistical enough to need a counter; I just spark a controversy and rate my site by number of complaints :)
Oh quick question? Okay, ah, I mention "Academic points." Each unit at Murdoch has a point value, every degree, you need to have a certain number of points to obtain it, as well as pass select units and you may need to also complete other prerequisites, but that course specifics. Generally 72 points will score you a degree. However, these need to be "academic points" not "points" off Guitar Hero, being good at Guitar Hero will not get you anywhere in life, except being "that guy" at parties which just uses the house owner's Guitar Hero till the end of the night. Seriously. In first year, all units are worth 3 points, and you have to be doing 12 points to be a full time student, you will need to do 4 units, 2nd year onwards, each unit varies a bit, all mine are worth 4 points so I only have to do 3. If only I could make time for them.
These are not to be confused with Grade Point Average, which is a number made by averaging your grades.
But now I guess it's on to the more pressing matter of exams.
You're scared of them. They happen at the end of semester but you're never going to look at them the same after my "horribly-inappropriate-and-possibly-deleted-after-a-couple-of-days-due-to-many-complaints-guide-explaining"
8 pieces of exam advice that can also be applied to sex. Yes. I'm going there. I've done death; this was the next logical choice... If you are easily offended scroll down to "The morals we can learn from this"
1. The first time in a while is always a bit of a shock. Whether it's your first time ever or in just a semester, you may feel a bit confused, you're nervous, apprehensive, it's a little rush. You may feel like you've forgotten how to survive 2 or 3 hours in a room with only one objective but within 30 minutes you really get into the swing of things and you're brain goes into overdrive trying to create what the examiner is expecting to get top marks. A few days or hours later when you're next expected to do it all again everything seems a bit more mundane and repetitive.
2. "The ceiling needs painting." You can be the most intellectual person in room. You can have studied the topic and know it completely, you can be the best essay writer in the world, the absolute most focused person. But during a mind numbing activity like these, your mind will wonder, if but for a second, in order to try and get oxygen back to the brain cells and get the thoughts flowing again, this could be something basic like counting bricks if there is an open wall, closing your eyes and thinking of TV commercial jingles, something that will just regroup your head. Be warned your mind may make a very clear, almost undeniable observation (you learn in uni that you can't make sweeping statements.) vocalising this observation will only gain undesired attention.
3. Wait number three was.. What was it? Oh I was going to open with a really Corny joke, oh yeah, that right... forgetting stuff. Studying diligently in order to perform better is the main suggested action. Learning what the exam paper will comprise of, learning anatomy, may help, but under the added strain of someone watching/rating you on what you actually contribute may make you lose a little of this knowledge, this is perfectly normal, it's unfortunate, but you can't help it, no matter how well you know everything..
4. BUT, sometimes it isn't about knowing everything, approaching something with self confidence, a little of "Yeah, I studied a lot for this, I'm going to just fine" (almost cockiness.) can help with the calming the heart rate (you're still waiting for the immature rooster joke, aren't you?) and also help you be prepared for anything. Just saying to yourself "I know enough about everything, if i just take everything in my stride and don't get surprised about anything unexpected (well, guess what, you're not going to get an immature rooster joke.) I see something there which I'm not expecting to see there (oh wait, there it is...) I know enough to complete at least part of it. (Hey, it's YOUR mind, making this sound gross.) But be careful, being full of yourself too much could have a bad effect, like believing you are brilliant at everything may have quite a downfall, just be full of yourself enough that you'll do at least okay, and if you do brilliant, that's fantastic, add a little bit of optimism and you can see everything in a whole new light and with your brain clear and feeling good you might see whole new opportunities from you current situation that may make you... okay too much.
5. Walking out with your head held high. Following on from the optimism approach, there's also that feeling when you leave the exam room. Your mind will slow down, you'll think of things you could of done , different ways you could have put things to make your argument or intentions clearer. Or you put your mind in the place "I can't believe I remembered that." Or "That was complete improv and it looked fantastic when I wrote it." You can then put your mind at rest. Most likely you'll have another exam to do, or will have to refer/reuse/restate this knowledge at a future point in time, either in your job or next unit. Or at the tavern. Or on a public bathroom wall (I PROMISE. THAT'S THE WORST IT'LL GET. And hey you made it to number 5, congrats, this post took me over to 5 hours to write, I'm proud of it, please send me an email, or post stuff in the comments, try to be positive, but if something really offended you, I'll take it out the second I get your email. Please don't contact marketing or anything to complain, all it'll do is make Murdoch look bad, these are my opinions in a blog they very nicely link to from there site.. sometimes... hehe.. You have to admit, these blogs about uni are a lot more interesting than the ones of meteor, seriously MOST computer nerds do not play WOW, what a stupid assumption.) Anyway, um what was I saying, oh yes, afterwards, put the stuff about it to the back of your mind for a while, unless you absolutely can't, take the afternoon off, chill with something you really enjoy. Have a nap, relax. It's all over and out of your hands, it's in the past, enjoy the present that has become of it. There's no more curiosity, all the mystery about the test have been revealed.
6. Deferring. Sometimes, things get it the way that are beyond your control, a family tragedy, Sickness, the doorbell, which can force you to need to reschedule such a major event. But it's when you chose to defer on your own terms that it can be slightly.. bad... Feeling not ready. After a date and time was planned, you could start working out how long you had to prepare for it, and people may get nervous and say "That's too soon" and hope that a greater distance of time between now and then will help their mind become more focused to the task. But with a greater distance between receiving the knowledge and then being tested on it, your mind may become cloudy and unfocused. Well, less focused then what you would have been and due to your lack of focus, you get nervous and you perform poorly. You've run out of chances. You will have to go through a whole long re-learning before you have the opportunity to try again. Even if you're not ready, having the test closer MAY push you up for a sup. You can prove your worth then. In short, it's just not worth it. Use all the study time you can if you need it, and remember what you did wrong so you learn from it, rather than thinking you always have a fallback option.
7. Everything leading up counted. You had assignments before this. You had easy ways to obtain marks. You did that very romantic evening at that French restaurant when you even ordered in Ffrench. Okay so you got some sort of soup when you wanted bread sticks, but she/he didn't know that. Okay, so this is worth a lot, but all that back up stuff did helped, i mean if you ABSOLUTELY stink it may mean that you fail, but if you put the work in at some point you coordinator may know that you have it in you enough to give you a supp, or you may have provided enough to push you over the line anyway and make your overall mark great.
8. Lots of books have been written about the topic by people who don't REALLY know what you're are going through. I have a book sitting on my shelf called "A guide to Exam Calm" its pretty bull. They're are expecting you not just to remember the topic but also remember a bunch of relaxation techniques to practice in your "desk space" without attracting attention of the people watching (who will probably assume it's some sort of cheating practice.) And it's also easy to read out of the exam room. "Think positive thoughts..." "Clear your head..." but when there's 50+ marks at stake, you don't really want to hear that, in fact, it's probably not going to help. Sure the book was written by someone with a PhD in physiology but they didn't write it under test conditions, they talked to students after exams and before, not really getting the whole adrenaline thing, so they can't really know the actual stresses going on in student's head. The equivalent interesting fact is apparently the Kama Sutra (This is a book about how to make sex apparently more enjoyable.) was written by a virgin. Yeah well so was this blog, talk about the blind leading the blind.
The morals we can learn from this: I could have done this without the sex. It would have been a good list of things to help make exams more tolerable. But everybody gives you a list, guides, lecturers, tutors; they all push their own ways of passing the unit. Mine just had double entendres. Why did I do that? So it'd be more entertaining to read, I didn't write this to make some gross jokes, I wrote it so the readers might remember them better and hopefully help them. I hope you have, I know I have. I've learnt I have a very sick mind when I want it to be. Seriously, this list should be somewhere a bit more out there. I'm proud of it; in fact, I'm calling my sisters up right now and getting them to read this.
Wait it's 1am Wednesday morning. Okay the post isn't good enough to get them up now.
Graffiti of the week: Well there's a selection, I know I need to look more, cause there's some really good stuff somewhere... Or someone could send some to me.. that would be nice .
"My Poo is brown."
"It wasn't my fault - George W. Bush"
"Witty political commentary should not be posted on toilet walls"
"All your base are belong to us"
"NO GEEKS SHOULD WRITE ON TOILET WALLS"
"Hey us geeks demand freedom to write on toilet walls, and justice!"
"For great justice launch off every zig!"
Oh and girl I'm stalking doing accounting, good luck with exams. You know walking round with that guy isn't making me jealous. In fact, I can't believe you've gone so low as to ask someone to hold you hand and make out with you.
GOOD LUCK WITH EXAMS EVERYBODY. And the unsung heroes, the markers THANK YOU, GOOD LUCK, HOPE YOU READ SOME GOOD STUFF AND MARK ME HIGH!! (Hey I just made a clever witty social commentary at my own expense, you BETTER mark me high.)
