I promise I'll stop soon... When they pry away my brain from my rotting dead carcass. Beautiful imagery there.

My blog does not represent the views of Murdoch or any of its affiliates. All posts are NOT to be taken seriously and are written only for entertainment purposes.

If you log on this blog every Friday, then you've missed quite a lot, there's me feeling sorry for myself on Saturday, there's me posting about the Murdoch Encounter's site, if the sign is now switched off because of me... That's pretty sad. Just cause someone added "Bacon" + "Anything" = "Awesome" doesn't mean you can take down this... interesting site. Then there's my current pride + joy, a six thousand word epic on three movies that make me feel lonely. In three parts! But I did promise this post, then I'll stop for a while. After all I'm not used to posting this much in such a short space of time. And I doubt my reader is either. Even I run out of breathe occasionally and run out of things to say, hey, I can't help it I have an x chromosome.


SEXIST COMMENT TALLY: 1


So this is about the new changes that are going over Murdoch website. Although I'll start by the fact that I was apparently the last year which have a student card with a magnetic strip on them, so I can choose to "Swipe" or "Wand" doesn't that make feel old. Also makes me feel old is when I started this blog I made a comment about the three flavours of Murdoch webpages, and got an email shortly afterwards saying that soon they would all be the latest one. Well, I'm pleased to announce that, that time, is now "Sooner." As a few weeks ago a new link appeared at the top of the Murdoch website "Current Students - Beta." Now I'm a beta guy, not only so I can say "I was there from the start" but more importantly "It used to be worse than this" or "stop complaining about the latest interface change, I've been through six of them." I mean, of course, eventually I'd like to be on the other side, releasing a beta and talking to users about changes and features we hadn't thought I've. Hence, I've gone through a few beta's such as "Lego Universe", "ABC iView" (even way back when it was called 'CatchUp' and had play-listing functions and less metadata.) and even "Zombie Shooter." I've gone through my share of OS preview releases, both Windows and different Fedora cores. Okay, well, the last two beta Fedora cores, I've booted into gone 'ohhhh' for a few hours then deleted the partition. I've also played with preview releases of Spybot GUI's and even Xbox Live beta programs.


Actually, Xbox live betas, WORTH IT. Lot of fun talking about interface changes, however not fun filling out a bug report cause you think of a better way to do something and they return "As designed." Let me tell you, AS DESIGNED is NOT A FIX for ANY BUG. When I release my betas, it'll be there as an option, but it'll only be used as the close code if a suggestion makes things WORSE on the user end. Hence, most of the bugs will be closed with "Suggestion acknowledged for future release."




Okay, there's going to be some criticism coming up, so if you do work for the group you might want to scroll down a bit, but I'm trying not to be harsh, it's just I've been here for 3 years, and in the time MyMurdoch has always been a bit of a joke.


Before I go on to the new stuff, I'll talk about what it actually is. When I came here, current students had access to three links, "MyUnits" which carried links to the external blackboard sites, "MyInfo" which was the personal database info about your personal details and "MyServices" which had links to different contacts for different services that the uni provides to students.


And I'm mixing my tenses. Why? Because currently we have three links. "MyUnits" which carries links to the external blackboard sites, "MyInfo" which is the personal database info about your personal details and "MyServices" which has links to different contacts for different services that the uni provides to students.


Later in my first year, a skin was added called "MyMurdoch" a site built to act as a front to grab details from the three sub places and put them all into one interface. In the beginning it looked vary promising, I had arranged on my personal page, the "MyUnits" links to each of my unit pages. The books I had out from the library and when they were due, a timetable, which the description promised would shortly add assessment due dates into the grid as well. And even a list of the book required for each of MyUnits as well as my remaining internet quota. I lay in wait wondering what amazing new additions they would roll out. Perhaps they would fix the fact that units always show that there's new discussion items even when there isn't. 


Nothing new did appear. At least, nothing which really did anything impressive. I guess the daily Dilbert and weather can be handy.


I know the system much be a bitch to maintain, you see all the unit stuff is in a system called "Blackboard" an application chosen not cause it was the best, not cause it was the cheapest, but because it's the only one that performs everything the systems analyst wanted it to do. I mean, it's a little clunky. I blame the choice of Java, and the fact that the Java related objects don't work with the latest version of Java. (The version checker in Java assumes that newer version may have removed features that run the applet, so it says "You don't have Java." The fact that it works with the latest version needs to be manually updated by the makers of the applet. YET PEOPLE CONTINUE TO USE JAVA AND NOT MAINTAIN THEIR APPLETS.) But for stuff like submitting assignments, (except when you submit the wrong one.) it's a great system. However, this needs to talk with xHTML produced by Murdoch. Hence where the "New Discussion" bug comes from.


MyInfo is then handled by another service called "Callista" which they have made to talk to "Blackboard" and he/she is more arrogant than Mr Squiggle's Black Board.


On top of all that the staff have a different system which my talk and administer the other systems.


So I can only imagine the code supporting all the students, staff and support at Murdoch is a mess of 'duct tape' which they AMAZINGLY have got to work at a level that makes it usable. My hats off to them.


Now, back to the thing I was beta testing. Ahem, This is a preview, not a beta, this is the dummy screen shots shown months before implement. Why am I allowed to say that? Cause I've done 231 so :P


The reason I say this, is because in my head I've got various expectations for what a beta should be. In this case, firstly because it is unclear of the implementation style, MyMurdoch has been down for several weeks, but this new page does not offer any replacement services that MyMurdoch provided. Seriously, if you're not visit these pages and as of  22/4, you'll simply get links to the old system, and the page DESIGN of how the new system will look, but not operate. 

Just check out the URLs as well, the system is going from "my.murdoch.edu.au" to "our.murdoch.edu.au" Damn university encouraging socialism. I MEAN SOCIALISING. Socialising, uni is definatly encouraging socialising through this, I mean, no one went those lectures on Marxism, right? RIGHT?
 There is an interesting mix of pages, trying to convince students to get out of their box and do something else at the uni apart from the average routine of lecture, ref, lab, ref, tavern, library roof, bush court, health clinic, tavern.


I mean it's where I found this weird other site, which is like Murdoch Encounters, but just for Murdoch staff and students to submit their own ideas to better the campus. Little bit of advertising might help that. I dunno, just seeing an idea implemented rather than someone getting a guitar for it is just a little bit more inspiring for me. Just a hint though.

But I can actually see this working, it's got links for who you need to talk to if you wanna do a thesis, like, right there under "Research Opportunities" It's also got a link at the bottom of each page, to a page, which has a link to a page, to my blog.

And an ad in "Our Community" that has my Dr. Jeckell Mr Hyde look.

OKAY EGO IDEA. New webpage gadget to add RSS feeds, with quick links to the current Murdoch bloggers.. Hint Hint. I will fully retract all previous scandalous statements if you can get me some more traffic. But that doesn't mean I won't make more in the future.




MURDOCH SO MANY IDEAS. SO MANY WEBSERVERS. SO MUCH MESS.


Yeah, I know I'm an IT person so I should shut up. "The marketing and PR people are talking now, why don't you go files so TPS reports?"


Ah well, it was built poorly to begin with, blame it on those guys, you've done a great job. And I really, REALLY can't wait to see how everything turns out later this year, best of luck for the launch and I hope we don't overload the server too much.


Which brings me to the server you got rid off.


Yes, for the purposes of cost, downtime and (let's face it.) a bit nicer interface which doesn't look like it was done in the early Nineties. I actually miss grey action buttons though. They were so.. Button-y not like this clickable images that becomes images locked and goes grey and says "Processing."


Technology + 5 years = retro


Technology + 10 years = nostalga


For those of you wondering if universities participating in live@edu get to mod the Microsoft look and feel, the answer is "Maybe." Murdoch hasn't. Luckily they chose the Outlook web app, which is pretty well built, looks and acts just like the latestest version of outlook, and I believe you can access the IMAP server address if you wanna use your own client. (If not, you should.) it's still a @student.murdoch.edu.au address, which is good, but that address has become a live passport, meaning you can use it as an msn messenger account, a spaces account EVEN AN XBOX LIVE GAMER TAG. Problem is I have my gmail account linked to all that, so I gotta sign out of that on live to access this, so that's my I get all my murdoch email forwarded to my gmail account and that set up so I can send emails from my student email from it. But damn the offer to use Outlook web app again is appealing.  I used it in my last few months at fremantle, but they had theirs hooked up to their exchange server, so you didn't get the MSN messenger login and live gamer tag. But having two live addresses has meant I've scored two SkyDrives (Microsoft, please will you concatenate SkyDrive with Live Mesh and Live Sync, pretty much that could mean I could have a file at uni and very easily dump it at home OR on a 25GB cloud without the need to log into two services.  




There is not however, a handy address book, I thought this could be built semester by semester to have a list of all the students, lecturers and tutors of the classes you're taking. Just an idea. A possible huge invasion of privacy cause you could find out their student number, guess their password and sign them up for Bio-statistical Methods MAS230. Doesn't that sound fun Biology + Maths + Statistics, no wonder there's 'Meth' in the title.*




 The collaboration is done through Office Live Collaboration. Which... Is going to be taken down by the end of the year if my sources are correct.


Anyway, Murdoch will cross that bridge when it comes to it, hopefully I'll be long gone... Maybe even working on the similar service for another company. I'd like that. Although I have to admit, the implementation of the mail, from what I heard, went smoothly. And we're talking, silk here. So VERY WELL DONE TO THEM on that front. Very few lost emails, if any. And a promised contract of no loss and no downtown, so now all their problems are someone else's responsibility, which will be nice for them. Until an emergency does happen, in which they'll be pissed at the number of people they have to say "There's nothing we can do." to.


So graffiti of the week, you are owed some:

"Wish for something better"

"Like 4 PLY"

"oh god yes"

And just before I leave, exams. I will have some soon. I HAVE THE SATURDAY ONE. THE EXAMINATION BOARD HAS A VENDETTA.

Until I get banned from the network (Hey, I just pissed off the guys who could....) Good bye.

*I'm sure the people doing Bio statistical Methods are very nice people and don't need any drungs or alcahol to further their studies. And to the ones that do I say seek help, or at least conserve cause 3rd year units get worse.

Children's Films and Romance 3/3, and so the lion fell in love with the lamb and found out spare ribs were delicious

My blog does not represent the views of Murdoch or any of its affiliates. All posts are NOT to be taken seriously and are written only for entertainment purposes.

Final film, a film you probably haven't seen, and its' sequel, okay so really it's two films.


This is more of a film review, because a lot of people haven't seen this film and it's actually quite livable.


A couple of years ago a kids animated film got made in France. When it was given to the Western world, the distributor decided to make it appeal to a younger demographic and removed the really strong love scenes in the film.


The film bombed everywhere this cut down version was shown and did successfully everywhere else. The film bombed so hard in Australia, that the sequel is yet to be imported. You may of heard of it as "Arthur and the Invisibles." but the film I want to talk about is the UNCUT AND UNRATED VERSION "Arthur and the Minimoys" a film I liked so much, I got a copy imported from Greece.


Now, some of the first bit of the film's story is a little screwed up, there's a tall tribe in Africa, and a race of tiny people who get along great, and for some reason move to Connecticut. Let's just ignore this bit, Grandfather of Arthur had a treasure and went to hide it with the Minimoys when he got shrunk and was never seen again. Grandma's house is being foreclosed and it's up to Arthur to shrink, join the Minimoys and work out WTF happened.


And we meet said love interest for Arthur, Seleneya. Seleniya? See-len-e-yarr. Selenia. However it is spelt.


Now, Selenia is a head strong female protagonist who is pulling out a short from a stone, or at least attempting to. 


Yeah, "Aurthur" get it? First point why this film is watchable by a 20 year old, parody is very well done here, not subtle,  but clever. Pulp Fiction dancing during a sword fight, the great Hurbie reference I said above, but anyway...


So, as predicted, Selenia must go with Arthur to save her kingdom, huzzah! And even though at one point he steal the lace holding up her bodice there comes the first moment of Selenia, as Aurthur saves her and her brother's lives a stack of times, and she only has two days to find it mate, it becomes convenient that Arthur is that person to rule the kingdom with her.


Now I want you to do a little experiment, next time you have a headache, take the pill you want to use, and place it under your tongue, now instead of the usual time it takes for that pill to be broken down in the stomach and set to the brain, the paracetamol will be sent straight there. Only in a recent study has it revealed what the magical absorption under the tongue is there for. Turns out spit. But not yours.


It was found that your saliva contains quite a bit of testosterone, the absorption is there to give a person you're making out with, your testosterone, and inspire them to have sex.


i.e. Want a person to have sex with you? Give them as much of your saliva as you can.


Hey, I didn't design you! But if I did, totally would add this in. Awesome. Now following this line of Gross but interesting logic, it is guessed that this actually where the idea of fallacio  actually might of originated from, that the HUGE amount of testosterone in


Wait, I wasn't talking about a kids film at some point?


Ah yes, so Selenia, the very self motivated girl splits up with Arthur saying "You go find your treasure, I've got stuff to do" and he's all Starfish like "So she's like, 'k, probably going to die here, so I'll give my powers to you." For some reason, the first time a Minimoy makes out with another their powers are exchanged.


However, it is elaborated to the audience that they are now married and their "powers" was actually stuff like status in the kingdom and all the things that married couples usually share. I think this is an actual good way to explain it to the young audience, although you don't see groups of male and female Minimoys fighting about the definition of 'powers' and why two same sex Minimoys can't share them.


Aurthur is then congratulated on the wedding and how moving it was by the younger brother of Selenia tagging along. Another brilliant point about Weddings, they should be short, to the point and in a romantic situation. Like in "PotC: At World's End." 


Arthur gets thrown in prison, and after a delightful reunion with in grandfather, comes the corny romantic scene. The good one is at the end, this one could of used better words, cause 


Selenia: "I failed, Aurthur, I'm sorry all is lost."
Aurthur: "No, Selenia, as long as we are still alive and love each other nothing will ever be lost. 
Selenia: "Oh, Arthur you're so full of hope."
Aurthur: "Look at me, just yesterday I was a small lonely kid and today... I married a princess."
Selenia: "A happy princess cause she's finally found her prince charming"


Is just a little blurgh, they go to kiss and your like 'oh this could not get any..' until, like all best kiss scenes should, it gets rudely interrupted by the fact that an ancient Minimoy tradition that  after the first kiss, no matter how brief, 1000 years must pass before the next one occurs.


1000 years?! Oh, okay they have a weird system where 0.28 days = one year, that would mean well, 28 days is one moon cycle, so it would just be 10 of them. Holy shit. Ten moons. 280 days?!


So then there's a fight scene and Aurthur gets to drive Selenia around in a toy car, and then he has to go back and Aurthur's all like "see ya, gonna be a long ten moons" and she's all like


Selenia: "To hell with protocol!"


We see mouth, we see possible tongues and ears wagging. It's an impressive kiss as a replacement for "Let's have a long distance relationship" sex.


the treasure is found, the  house saved and the bad dude of the Minimoys kicked out of the kingdom and we end with both Aurthur and Selenia saying they will be patient.


And we proceed into its' sequel. Actually like 3/4 of the way through cause there's a few problems with the second one.


The halfway mark, congratulations.


Now Arthur has gotten more in touch with nature, including a scene with him sleeping next a bear and getting pee'd on by a wolf. Awesome.


Has Jacob pee'd on Bella? You sort of assume so when you think about it,he's territorial, she's young and experimenting with two unnatural beings. Yeah, I could see her going scat.


He's also spent the last two weeks looking at the moon, and you can tell that he's just a little bit excited about returning.


Meanwhile, the Minimoys are preparing for his great return with a great feast prepared by an Italian guy. How do I know this Minimoys Italian, he's got a mustache, he's short he says "Mama Mia". Apparently all Italians take after Mario. Wonder if he's got a princess in another castle?


The Minimoys themselves have also gone through a cast change, one of the disappointing things of the film. They kept Snoop Dog, but lost Selenia's voice now a lot of people say this was good cause in the original it was voiced by Madonna. Madonna was actually a great voice for Selenia because 1. You didn't SEE her, 2. Because she is old, her voice is slightly deep and mature. She's now voiced by a 12 year old, who gives her an unlikable perkiness, which makes me glad that she only has 4 or so lines in the film. Her wiseness is gone, she's now a twelve year old after two cokes. Sure I'm currently reviewing the after effects of a couple at uni, who have went from 21 year olds concerned about next year and 19th century poets and authors, to two 14 year olds who have found the sugar. Arthur runs away from his parents and almost kills himself a couple of times to get to the Minimoys, only to find she's gone missing. Long story short, being held hostage by the kick out previous villian, once voiced by someone who has a voice you don't mess with to being voiced by a drugged up guy.. 


Said bad guy then finds he's way back to the real world but instead of turning into a human he just gets big. Arthur appears to be stuck as a Minimoy but has he's beloved Selenia. The bad guy is out going to destroy the world and it cuts to black, awesome. I know there's going to be a third and didn't mind it ending like this.


I did mind:


1. Arthur being shown in a 5 second preview as a human, fighting two other full size Minimoys


Seriously this ruins the suspense, maybe it's best for him to stay a Minimoy with his princess.
Why is he the only one turned into a human when coming back? If he gets turned into a Minimoy going there, why aren't the Minimoys turned into people coming back? I'm guessing that Selenia will come back with him and for some reason turned into a human (Reason why Selenia is now voiced by a person the same age as the boy who plays Arthur.) and it'll leave me more pissed off then ever.


2. Poker Face performed by the girl who now voices Selenia and some girls of a similar age. Not a clever parody. Word for word. I hope someone told them what a "Love Glue Gun" is.


Uh.. Annndd... That's it. I'm out. almost 5,000 words, inappropriate swearing, sexual references and 3 of my fave kid's films all over 3 posts. 


Enough, now I must wait for a reader who actually reads it. This may take a while.

Romance and Children's Films Part 2/3 This really is just a wall of text

My blog does not represent the views of Murdoch or any of its affiliates. All posts are NOT to be taken seriously and are written only for entertainment purposes.

Ironically, for the whole time I've been writing this, my stalkee has turned off her block against me and wants to talk to me. But it was only about the next 349 task, so screw that.

At the end of 2006, a children's film was released that contained glamourising of furry little animals that often get overlooked in animated movies. It contained a unique brand of humour an awesome plot twist and a cast of high caliber names. It unfortunately was totally one up'd by Happy Feet.

Never the less, Flushed Away is a HIGHLY underatted (*boom* *tish*) film containing some beautiful parodies and an awesome sound track, as well as a great animation style. It's computer generated clay! Unfortunately it was panned due to the success of Happy Feet, but should be seen, not for it's love story that's a bit predictable, but the characters are awesome and the plot is very cool. Ends a little bit weak but very awesome. Alas, we're here to talk about penguins.

Weird thing. Top grossing Australian film ever. It's not about anything typically in "The Great Australian Film", and most of them have American accents. Hence, Nobody want to go see a film about middle class Australia :(           Although Kenny did quite well and it's made SplashDown one of the leading port-a-potty suppliers in the country. Ah so many topics so few readers :(

Now, again, I've been called an idiot cause I overlook the last five minutes that mumble was just went to save the fish. And that if animals get your attention no one will stop fighting until we save them. Bleugh, who wants to go see a film about hippies succeeding. Why was "The Young Ones" so popular? Every thing was blamed on Niel. 

But two key scenes.

Scene 1. Gloria is out on the ice trying to find a mate, she knows that she can have any one in the place. It's noteworthy that she always just sings the few lines of her heart song as the penguins around her promise her all the fish she can eat and all the penguin sex she needs. There is a lot of sexual innuendo in this film. I get that pretty much all penguins do is eat, have sex and waddle, but for a species that only mates once a year... Bit of an anti-climax right there. Anyway, Mumble comes over lip syncing to Ramon, Gloria is initially impressed, she knows that Mumble has been after her a long time, and deep inside she should realise they're going to end up together so she should really get over herself. After being disappointed, Mumble starts doing the whole hop thing. His hop turns up to be in perfect timing to Gloria's heart song, not just that, but it's unlocks the rest of her song. Now from over analysing ("Anal" "Sing", now that reminds me of farting, which reminds me of hot air, which reminds me of bullshitting to someone, therefore, Analysing = bullshit.) this  I reckon that this also shows the way relationships appear today, two totally different people, but they compliment each other, as the rhythm compliments the song, but also boost and aids the other person to become a better person.  

Okay, so Gloria how now realised, okay, my guy doesn't have a heart song, but he'll give me fish, dance his heart out and willing to lip sinc to Robin Williams. And now just to top it off he's going to save us all. Am I the only one seeing that this guy is making up for the fact that he's unique.

I guess that's another reason why this movie touches me is because I was brought up in that generation which was told "You're not weird, you're unique!" Now they've found out to be a bad idea, because you get people like me who have never grown out of the fallacy (I hate using this work cause I'm scared I'll type Phallic or fallopian or fellatio, all of which have nothing to do with what I'm trying to say.)   that I think uniquely, act uniquely. And by the number of people who hide my Facebook posts because they don't understand them, I think I am one of the rare cases that I am, dare I say it, special. Not in an elitist way, far from it, my scores indicate that my intelligence isn't great and I'm not a prodigy, I'm that special that no one wants to talk about. It doesn't impact me in such a way I get sympathy, it doesn't privilege me, it make me a guy with a few close friends, desperate for attention and then not sure what to do with it when I acquire it.

So this movie has always left me with a sense of one day someone will appreciate my uniqueness, and that I've got to be willing to swim the entire Atlantic ocean to impress her. I'm sorry, I think I might cheat and just do that bit of the Indian ocean to the South of Victoria, then I'll end up in the Australian zoo which have a much more awesome penguin enclosure.

Scene 2:  Mumble gets banished, and in the middle of nowhere, there is voice on the wind and this short scene has 3 fantastic lines, starting with "You've got a stalker!" Okay, so when I'm doing my stalker thing I go beyond cute into proper "Restraining Order Required" territory, but in the end, don't we want someone who totally go all Dante and follow us anywhere? Hence, the next best line of the scene

Mumble: "If you come with me, you may never go home."

Gloria: "Fine by me."

Mumble then complains that she shouldn't be there because she can indeed have a normal life, he isn't normal, he can't, she don't care and wants to join him anyway.... leading to, what I sadly believe one of the most romantic lines ever. Now although there are proper romantic films like Casablanca which do tell romantic stories that are timeless, I wish that hidden among those huge lists of quotes people have hidden away for pulling out on romantic occasions, I hope that a lot of people have this one with them

Mumble: We can't keep an egg safe out here, that is, if we ever had an egg.

Gloria: Yeah, well, I don't need an egg to be happy.

Mumble: You say that now, but what about later, when all your friends have eggs?

Gloria: Then I'll have you.

Now I'm sure this is probably just referencing a different romantic film, but the fact that this line exists in a kids film just makes it all the more awesome.

"Fuck what the others think of you, fuck what the rest of the world thinks of you, they don't see what I see. And I like what I see."

I am yet to meet someone who shares my love of this line. sigh.

And after Gloria one more time iterates that no matter what he does she's going to be by he's side for whatever freaky adventure they go on, until he calls her a bitch.

From the little I've observed, I've seen that there is a line, that if you stay on the right side of it, you can pretty much treat a woman like crap and there's a primordial urge to be more attracted to his dominant nature. I'd like to also state that I don't think ANYONE should be treated like that, but I am aware that this is backed up by science. At least, if you call psychology a science.

But touchy chauvinist observation aside, this scene concludes with Mumble trying to force himself to believe he made the right decision, that he loves her so much that he knows she deserves someone else. It's a tough bullet. Think ending of "There's Something About Mary." And seriously, a guy who hasn't jacked off  for 24 hours will generally produce 40mL of fluid. The whole famous scene is BS. Generally it'll only get as high as your chest but it is a bitch to get out of hair. And out of these 3 posts, that's the only information acquired by personal experience.  Don't act repulsed at me, everyone is curious at one point or another.

These scene ends with Gloria and Mumble walking away from each other, each occasionally looking back, there's nothing either of them would love more than to run back.

So whether these posts have made you go "awww" or throw up a little, I hope you join me tomorrow for its' thrilling conclusion and my live@edu review, because the 4 hours, 6 pages and 3,240 words of writing so far hurts.

I wish I could get the same sort of motivation for my other units

A critical analysis of romance in childrens' films. Part 1 of 3

My blog does not represent the views of Murdoch or any of its affiliates. All posts are NOT to be taken seriously and are written only for entertainment purposes.

The only way I can remember how to spell Analysis is remembering "Analy."


Good evening class. I'm not doing a media degree, and I only got a B for year Media, so take all of this as personal opinion from someone who isn't a master of the subject, and shouldn't really have any say in the matter in a public forum. Such as Roger Ebert thinking games aren't art forms. Have you played Braid or Flower? Seriously? Although you did write Beyond the Valley of the Dolls which I haven't seen/read personally but sounds like a damn good attempt at adding plot to a porno. Bottom line 1. Flower, Dynamo hell even Geometry Wars or Space Giraffe,  all deserve a special place. 2. I will not watch porn with plot it just makes me feel more ashamed.


Moving right along.


Dinner Table. This time last year. Dinner with housemate's parents.


H.M's Mum: Although I did like Wall-e.
Me: Wall-e was sweet. I mean, I really like the fact that all the director wanted to do was a story about how the last robot of earth wasn't turned off and the sweet love story that occurs.
H.M's Mum: Oh but there's much more to it than that, I mean, how obese humans have got because of the little amount of movement and the fact that we are still heavily a throw away society causing our own planet's destruction.


OKAY. BACK THE FUCK UP. (as in *beep *beep* *beep*)


Now when I was young, I was taught the idea that I was young and had very little knowledge of the world, so I learnt how to shut up. When I because I teenager I was all like "YEAH! I'M ALMOST AN ADULT I HAVE PERSONALLY FORMED OPINIONS BACKED BY A MORALITY SYSTEM THAT I HAVE CREATED OUT OF SELECTING AND COMBINING THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS OF OTHERS INTO A PERSONAL DEVELOPED MENTALITY OF RIGHT AND WRONG SO I CAN FORM MY OWN PERSONAL PERCEPTION ABOUT WHAT I BELIEVE TRUE TO BE ABOUT THE WORLD WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT DYNAMICALLY CHANGE DUE TO THE FUTURE ENCOUNTERS WITH OTHER PEOPLE IF I CHOSE TO CONSIDER THAT SELECTIONS OF THEIR PERSONA CONTRIBUTE OR COMPLEMENT MY OWN PERSONAL UNDERSTANDINGS!! YEAH!" (As you can tell I was a hoot to have around at leavers. 


This then changed when I went to university as I realised I was young and still hugely impressionable due to my lack of actual contrasting view points. I have since gone back to doubting my own opinion and knowing that there is a high chance that my own viewpoint will be hated by someone else. I'm still very scared to lodge an opinion I know is true.


And I guess in this circumstance the parent was trying to make me look at the broader picture stuff away from central themes. But in Wall-e the additional themes are all so negative. They're all so away from the simplistic idea which the movie started with, that I love to focus on. So I didn't continue the argument. I've learnt since that arguments are pretty much meaningless anyway. I have my opinions, you have yours why should I even challenge them when I don't want my own to be challenged?


Philosophical, yeah. I like that stuff. So anyway, back to the trash compacter, I, like most people I know of, love this film - hugely due to the fact of the fact that there really are no words for the first third of the film and you know exactly what's going on. And then it wins an Oscar. And then the director mentions "Steve Jobs" in his speech and it was all over and the movie has not be spoken of since.


The love story in Wall-e is pretty straight forward, 


1. Wall-e finds a movie and wants to hold someone's hand. Damn I'm so glad that he found Hello Dolly. He could of found "Heavy Metal" or "American Pie" or... "Hannah Montana" It's okay Wall-e, Miley Cyrus (Ironically, Sirus could also be pronounced this way.) is dead by the time you read this blog.


Sorry, could you just go make sure? Thanks.


2. Another hand shows up, it's attached to a robot that wants to find a plant.


3. For convenience of story telling, Wall-e has a plant.


4. No body can find the plant


5. Wall-e pisses eve off by breaking stuff and getting her in trouble.


6. Wall-e has the plant and they space dance in space. How does the fire extinguisher not explode? During this Wall-e gets the warm touch of a woman he's already been secretly hoping for. 


7. He also receives a discharge of static electricity. Now this is always described as a "kiss" or a sharing of affection. This, although unexplainable discharge from Eve (Damn right I'm going to use the word 'Discharge.') is the sweetest part of the non-verbal stuff displayed. 


Sharing of affection in human society is most physical and sweet between the couple and damn weird to everyone else.  The male of a couple I know gives the female a raspberry to show that he loves her. Side point 1, happy that he didn't decide to do this during the ceremony, side point 2, why is it always something people also happily to do babies? All that sweet baby talk is okay when it's refereed to as "sweet nothings."


"Lachlan, this post will come back to haunt you one day."


"Yes, Yes it will, and dammit I'm getting sick of waiting."


"oooOOOOoooo, looks like someone's writing a post to vent their true thoughts that the only reason that all they can see is the love story in Wall-e because they truely connect to Wall-e on a personal level in the fact that you also feel like an unwanted soul on an empty abandoned planet waiting to be rescued by the girl of his dreams.."


"Well, durr, you just wait until I get onto Happy Feet in a moment"


"You mean this post isn't even half over?"


"Nope. Okay, now chill, do not yell at the person on the other end of the phone, he knows his blog posts are too long and need a bigger audience."


"Isn't this blog about being a student?"


"349 is too much work , 338, Linux is fun but I hopefully won't need to use it daily and Perl is awesome, 362, I wish I could just get the commands for CBAC and VPNs in my head. There, you happy? And plus, the last post was about Murdoch Encounters and the next post will be about Live@edu!"


"Murdoch is outsourcing it's mail into the cloud?!"


"I know, right? Hell scary. But I'll get onto clouds next post."


I love the fact that Wall-e is just so not ready for that charge that he just floats off, that' awesome.


8. Eve reviews security footage of all Wall-e went through to make sure Eve was safe, including a game of Pong on the original Atari 2600 which is bullcrap cause the score won't reach 7000 on the original. Eve can't help but feel moved.


9. Wall-e is beaten up for the plant, because he knows it makes Eve happy. if (Eve == happy){ Wall-e = happy; } and as long as you have Eve, happy and Wall-e defined, that will compile in most 3rd level and higher languages. It is at this point where we have the sweetest line of the verbal portion Wall-e: Directive? (hands Eve the plant.) Eve: (Eve ditches the plant and takes Wall-e hand.) Directive.


"I have a new agenda, the one I was programmed to do is null. I've met you and frankly, right now, the most important thing above all others is making sure you're safe."


If that doesn't rip out your heart strings than only a blood thirsty axe murderer will. 


10. Wall-e reminds Eve that the replacements are on Earth, if she takes the plant, the ship will go to Earth and she can fix him. Eve is then ecstatic and  gets the plant and the ship flies home. 


Let's just ignore the awesome 2001 tribute even though it's awesome and point out the fact that the only reason the ship is going home is so that Eve can fix Wall-e.  THE SAVING OF THE HUMAN RACE TAKES A BACKSEAT. And I don't want to meet the couple that puts the human race in front of their love. And, thankfully, I haven't yet. Okay, I've met a few where there would be a few seconds hesitation, but then they think of something, I don't know what, maybe the time they've had together, maybe something one of them did for the other, maybe just something simple like the sex, and the human race is canned.


11. Eve fixes Wall-E and after some moments of being stuck in default, Wall-e's personality loads (Think about how you're computer isn't yours until it logs into your account.)


This is done by doing the hand hold that Wall-e has really wanted all along, and a second static discharge, this one created out of desperation, kind of like a kiss given to a comatose patient "I know you're in there somewhere and I love you, so you better wake up otherwise I'm totally changing my Facebook status back to single." (Speaking of relationship status why isn't there "Wishes @name would notice @name" "@name want's to Court" or "@name is @name's F-buddy" Oh come on, we all know it happens.)


"And their love was eternal." Although some people online have followed this up with "Only if Wall-e would agree to install anti-virus before they plug into each other." And I'm being 100% serious here, on select cartoon porn sites, they are plugged into each other, there is coolant fluid and several comments below the gallery consisting of "Why? How does anybody get turned on by this?" and then, by the same user sometime later "I just got turned on by this, should I see a therapist?" (Therapist, another word I can only spell by remembering "The-rapist".)


So that's how I see it. A love story. And if I ever get to code an AI for a robot with laser guns and the want to exterminate all meatbags, it's going to get a crush on another one. And I also want to see the next version of Norton released in a little foil package.


Now because that took an hour and a half to write, my next two films will be in parts 2 and 3.