Why I didn't fail a unit this semester...

My blog does not represent the views of Murdoch or any of its affiliates. All posts are NOT to be taken seriously and are written only for entertainment purposes.

Results are odd things. You can anticipate them, you can fear them or you can know their outcome and just need confirmation of the good/bad news. Me? I was trying to avoid them, it was a brilliant plan and only thwarted by the face that it was just unfortunate that my mother can operate the Murdoch website to obtain the date of their release. However, I was able to report, by putting less then little effort this semester after being distracted by other things that I managed to somehow obtain 2 Credits and a Pass. To which I was over joyed, I thank that somehow I have managed to avoid delivering the news (touch wood.) that I must relearn a topic, and this time, pretend I care a little bit more, I understand there are those out there which don't have this luxury, I offer a shoulder to cry on and a ridiculously low rate to hack "MyInfo" and alter results.

There really is a ceiling cat!

But seeing this is the season to tie up lose ends at uni for a little bit, I thought I'd turn my attention to several lose ends which I have left unknotted, and proceed to knot them now, before my eventual demise.

In no particular order:

1. That girl I'm stalking doing accounting finally sent me the message of my dreams,

"GET AWAY FROM ME YOU CREEP. I didn't mind the photos on Flickr, I didn't mind the admiration from a distance, but you can stop hiding in my wardrobe now, seriously, that other night when you came out scared the s%$# out of me."

Seriously, she wrote those expletive marks. How weird is she, I'm glad I got rid of her, the second she started showering with her bathers on it was no fun anymore. (joke.)

2. Here is the pencil case that was offered as a prize for graffiti of the week a while ago

It has served me well during exams and I'm glad I was too lazy to give it to the person who earned it, it's been a great place for my penicillin growing hankies.

3.

The Quenda king made us even

After coming to life and putting through the most enduring physiological/physical/mental test he could think of, (hanging upside down playing chess with water dripping on my feet.) He saw that my wicked ways of the past had ended, and that one day in the future, maybe Lachlan and cute little fuzzy animals could live in harmony without needing any torture. Meh, that comes later when I post to the world what I did to a rat. (joke.)

4. I've applied for 2 jobs. Meaning I now have a sort of resume thing which I can give out at random to passes by. I do hope I get a phone call (and not just another wrong number looking for Mr Ihavva Tiinedick, someone looking for that guy has rang so many times, I hope they do catch up so I can stop fretting that Ihavva Tiinedick, can finally get that phone call and catch up with Ms Thingforr smaalfalics. Look what I'm reduced to. Toilet humour. DAMN YOU JAMIE POTTS, DAMN YOU.) that will mean I might get a job two out of the three things I hoped to achieve this holidays have come through. Third thing in point six, YES, I'm going to be talking about her again, YES, I know your sick of her, YES, you wish I just made jokes about uni again, instead of my not-so-private private life. There will be a humorous post on referencing soon, or other wise my sister will stop reading, speaking of people who will soon stop reading...

5. I've achieved a third follower! Meaning yet another person will get endless emails as I update spelling mistakes in my posts. Lia Roodnat, this probably wasn't what you were meaning to subscribe to, but please enjoy it anyway, and the attention you are getting now. Or at least put rude comments to some back posts, they all look pretty bland. All saying "0 comments." I can't believe zero is technically a plural, I mean, you don't say "0 comment." That's pretty odd. I should bring that up in a "English has gone to hell" rant. and mention this website as proof. No, I can't say anything negative about that website, it's too awesome, and is actually providing a good service to humanity, or at least what's left of it.

6. So did I get the girl? *sighs* I'm asking her out next time I see her, better ruin the friendship sooner rather than later. I'm guessing you want a picture, no? Well, Okay.

Here is a picture of a tree that she took with my camera. Geez, too humiliated to even get a picture of her, normally I'm so swerve, so cool, so, partially funny. Ceiling cat help me, this will be a disaster equalling that of a similar disaster where no one actually got hurt but some people felt really bad for a while.

Ah well, physiologically, she's screwed me up for a good while and this last semester has been fun, only thing missing was the opportunity too light a bag of dog crap on fire and leave it on some one's porch. It's been good and I can count my blessings that I passed everything. There's a few other posts in the works for next semester like "Oh crap I was suppose to learn something last semester..."

7. Red vs Blue is awesome, brought the DVD, killed some time, will be playing it at next MITS lan, no exceptions.

But I shall now leave you with some graffiti sent by another loyal reader Mr Brock Two-really-cool-names-with-lots-of-European-looking-characters-like-that-one-with-the-two-dots-above-it Atkinson.

"the shadow dungeon of ocarina of time still freaks me out..."

Hehe. It doesn't freak me out, win. It's in the library toilet upstairs apparently.

No Brock, no pencil case for you.

I'm on facebook now. look up Lachlan Harris. Will respond positively to all friend requests, with rule 31.

Rule 20.

Rule 30.

Sigh. Okay I'm done.

Wasting time and I HAVE, AN EXPLANATION

My blog does not represent the views of Murdoch or any of its affiliates. All posts are NOT to be taken seriously and are written only for entertainment purposes.

When you think about it, the whole concept of an exam is pretty silly. Let's put a bunch of people in a room and see what they can remember from what they read last night. Or this morning. So it only comes naturally to think about anything except the little blue booklet in front of you and writing in it. So as a quick blog (apparently a two page blog isn't interesting enough to read, despite the good jokes and instructions on how to get free porn/live forever/find the money tree hidden on Murdoch's campus just isn't good enough. People want 140 character things of witty one liners. You can't say anything good in 140 characters!! Micro blogging is silly, just looked at one of my mates it said "I'm hungry" then "I might go get some cake" then "Screw it, I'm going to get cake" AND THEN "That cake was delicious" where as this blog, on the same subject would just say " I LIKE CAKE." There, clear cut and not arbitrary B.S. no stupid little side tangents that create long bogus sentences which rattle on forever.) that will list "the top 6 and a half things to do during an exam if you want to stay to the end but have already finished"

So, without further comment it's, wait a sec, I've done a few lists now, is it bad? I mean.. Nah, i should sell that at market day on tea towels and coffee mugs and those little wood signs that your not sure quite what to do with but parents give them as presents when they don't know what to buy for someone and then go to the markets. Now where was I?? Ah yes,

A list of the top six and a half things to do during an exam if you want to stay to the end but have already finished.

1.  Read the desk. If your lucky and get a lecture theatre, rather than the lame gym, you might score a few poient life reflections made by bygone students, gems like "I'm bored" and "Kilroy was 'ere" and "This lecturer is a (blogger has detected a swear this been omitted)"  It is with gems like these that everyone can enjoy there own little "Graffiti of the exam"

2. Start  writing the lyrics to the song in your head on the back on the question paper. No body reads hear, it's a good way to vent and see if you can actually write the word "Waterloo" without verbalising "Is that really just phonetic?"

3. Sneak a pen. The one little bit of relief (quite literally in an exam.) is the ability to go to the toilet, however, an examiner must stand outside the cubical to assure you don't... um.. how exactly are you going to cheat?? Well anyway, sneak a pen in your pocket as you do, once in the cubical remove the top of the pen and the ink cartridge then proceed to dip the tip of the pen into the water at the bottom of the bowl and blow. If you don't mind a little toilet water (It's just normal tap water!) in you mouth, get as much as you can in your mouth then proceed to squirt it out the pen and over the top of the cubical door. Then as a last finale, take the toilet roll of the holder, and proceed to roll it out the door. WHAT DOES ALL THIS ACHIEVE? My loyal ex-co-worker-readers are asking. Well, It freaks out the guy outside. WHY DO YOU WANT TO DO THAT? You have to admit, with how silent that guy has to be its freakin' hilarious. YOUR STILL ODD AND WE CAN UNDERSTAND WHY YOU ARE CURRENTLY UNEMPLOYED. Well, thank you...

4. Do a writers commentary. Most likely during the writing, you've been leaving spaces for if you have another brilliant idea, and if you don't already do it, cause it helps. You've finished. All that white space can now be used for cheap laughs, hey put the marker in a good mood and you never know, you might even get a extra marks. Okay probably not, but if your willing to write random comments like "Can you tell I'm nervous, here." or "Wow, that sentence doesn't even have a verb!" Your probably optimistic enough to believe that it will.

5. Advertise. Yes I am that vein that the person marking my ICT256 six assignment will be pointed to this very blog.

6. By now, you should of realised I like to entertain the reader of my exam booklet and one my of faves is related but useless facts I now have the anecdote that a fact I provided in my ICT108 lecture was ALLEGEDLY repeating in this year's lecture. Soon everyone will know that a cat sees at 200 fps! Yeah, get that on CS with your 280 and finally your cat too cat enjoy all the fun of killing someone.

1/2. Walk out. Seriously. Between the first half hour and before the last ten minutes you can leave. Go home.

BONUS BLOG!

What Lachlan Said

What random blog reader said

Seriously man, what is up with the "I had my mind on other things this semester" and the goobledy gook a few blogs back?

You really wanna know?

YES.

Okay, well... earlier this year, I sorta met this girl.

...

and...

that's it, I met a girl, then I kinda fell for her

yes, but how do you class that for not doing much work this semester?

She was all I could think of.

FOR FOURTEEN FLIPPING WEEKS YOU WERE OVERLOADED WITH TESTOSTERONE? That is weak dude.

Yeah but, I mean, have you ever, gone after a girl

Yes, and I got her, she's my girlfriend now and has been for 14 months now and I've been able to juggle going out with her with my 3rd year law studies

Dude, don't you remember that feeling when you first met her

Yes mutual attraction, it's not that big of a deal.

She's just awesome, and makes me feel stupi..

Dude you are, please tell me you're passing all your units though, right? I mean, you can at least pass them?

I'll possibly fail two.

WTF. SERIOUSLY. YOU ARE SACRIFICING TWO UNITS? FOR A PERSON WHO YOU DON'T REALLY KNOW?

Worth it. Totally.

No, it's not. Loser. Look, please tell me you've got some action, something to make it worth it?

No. but we've chatted on msn, and if I ever sign up to facebook, I'll probably add her there too.

(facepalm) 

and plus we have hung out in Freo.  

Oh hanging out in Freo, big whoop.

Dude, I'm weird and I'm a geek, female friends are hard to come by, and she's just beyond awesome.

So you share stuff in common with a girl at uni? You really are making a big deal out of nothing..

Hey I got her phone number, that's what all the goobledy gook was.

1. She probably gives that out to lots of people

2. You are writing about her on your blog without consent, that's illegal, oh and plus she could find it. Have you told her about this blog?

Yes, but I tell everyone

Well what's she going to think when she looks it up and finds she's being talked about. It's pretty obvious you're such a weirdo, that you'll do all these elaborate lies to try and cover up who you really are, so that will make her go on your blog to find out who you really are underneath the charade.

Oh (blogger has detected a swear this been omitted)

And that, your Honour, is when I punched him unconscious.

Time wasted having a crush - some may percieve this as not save for work, you have been warned.