Some of you maybe surprised at which another post had popped up, but I have peer reviews, non-functioning requirements, a program OR essay and BGP study to do, so a blog post was inevitable. Additionally, over the course of this short time, a number of people have posed me questions that I believe need to be addressed so here they are in some sort of order.
Communication is an interesting thing. Unifying the understanding of a topic between two or more parties by the use of a collectedly accepted communication protocol is challenging at the best of times. However, there are a lot of us which begin a communication session with very little to say, nothing to say, or no understanding of what we are going to say.
I hate to say it, but I say the last kind of things often.
I hope it continues to mature, but my method of delivering what makes perfect sense in my head, is less than adequate, in fact, I'm not sure if you'd even call it half baked. Frequent readers of my blog would know the stumbling point of when I've missed a word, the annoyance when I use a complicated word because I happen to have a Thesaurus in arms reach, the misspelling of a word, or constantly use 'along' instead of 'along' erm... I mean 'alone'.
Attendees of a lecture I have been present for know of my incessant calling out to voice my opinion or providing a tangent by expanding the current topic into a poorly formed pun. There are periods in which I believe people honestly need to know my opinion, I know they don't, but I believe it's interesting or something they haven't considered, so it is stated. I have a strong belief that a lecturer of mine does read this blog, and I know would like to, on occasion, have a brick, or some other minor signal to put accross the point that I am not longer aiding the conversation, and that the other 5 or so people in the room, may indeed actually want to learn something.
Bearing all that in mind, I have over the previous week, been a selection of situations where I have said things which have led to some very interesting outcomes:
Cousin: "That Sounds like a porn star's name" Me: "You and I watch very different porn." (silence followed by awkward laughter.)
The person I was talking to sort of seemed confused by two things. 1. That I admit to watching porn 2. That I assumed, but the fact that she believed that a name sounded like a porn star, made me believe that she watches porn.
1. I admit to everything. I try not make these statements insult anyone else other than myself, I believe this makes me more outgoing as a person - or at least more fun at parties. But openly admitting to something like watching porn, which to a selection of the population is disgusting, or, not something that you should admit to in a conversation. I got introduced to the concept of sex when I was fairly young, it's quite a number years later and I'm yet to actually experience it, damn right I'm going to keep my research up. Feel like a practical physicist getting egged on by a theoretical one "I asked you to get two electrons really close together is it really that hard??" Even guys get embarrassed talking about porn, which I think is the real problem. Dude, I'm watching porn, your watching porn, let's just simplify things, I'm not suggesting we get naked together, but you know having a chat with a couple of drinks watching a movie is much less shameful than sitting in a room on your own hoping no one knocks on the door.
2. I've always wanted to perform more absurdest sketch comedy. Ever since my first discovery of Monty Python, I've always loved the idea of saying something really stupid in a conversation and people around me just going along with it. Whilst other onlookers just get confused. Sadly there is very little spontaneous improv in Perth. And as much as I'd like to form my own group I am yet to meet a significant amount of people with the same want. A few people, yes, enough even for my 'rave in an elevator' idea, but I would really like doing something a little bigger.
The point is, I just got a bit depressed when she thought I believe that she watched porn, I know she's the type of person who didn't. I was doing it for a laugh and didn't realise that you might think it got aimed at you. That was not my intention.
In apologising for posing the allegation, there was the unfortunate affect that it just amde the moment more awkward, sort of that joilting moment out of a play when an actor yells "prompt" Accidentally losing your focus, and realising that the world presented in front of you is a lie and the actors are simply reciting dialouge from a story in which an author has cleverly controlled character and plot. Kinda makes you wanna wish you had a trumpet to at least fill the pause with that really overused Cat Empire sample from a couple of years ago.
Geez, you see what happens when you let me go out on a tangent, it just sort of goes everywhere. No wonder murdoch wouldn't put me on their Twitter feed. WELL, MURDOCHUNI, I've asked nicely, now I'M GONNA PULL OUT THE BIG GUNS. I'M GOING TO POLITELY SUGGEST TO BROCK TO PERHAPS MENTION this short url IF HE HAPPENS TO COME ONLINE ON MSN AND IS PERHAPS THINKING ABOUT TWEETING SOMETHING TO MURDOCH UNI AND WOULDN'T MIND ADDING A FOOTNOTE.
Yeah, you know I'm serious. Look if it is about the topics I talk about, I'm sure we can come to some sort of arrangement, it's just I'd like this blog to sort of be known enough so when I leave "This graffiti now viewable on DAULMurdoch" some people know what I'm talking about. And more importantly, would make me feel that the university doesn't actually mind the fact that I have $600 worth of parking permit off them.
Thing I said number two: "FUCK. YEAH."
I remember the first time I swore. I said it quietly, barely under my breath. Just trying it on for size. It did feel good. Rebellious. I was 12. I do hate to admit I swear, not because it's rude, but because it's admitting that you don't know many words. Granted, test have shown letting off swearing during acts of extreme pressure and pain due to the unaccepted nature of the terms release endorphins, helping ease the pain. I do find it a pity how accepted into the common vernacular they have become, because there are awesome adjectives out there. But the beauty with swear words is just the fact that they get adapted into all forms of speech, verbs, adverbs, you can use it as just about anything (Not Safe For Work, not classy, and you've probably seen it before from that idiot who keeps sending you videos. I'm talking about you Steve. Not Cool. (And, for those so inclined, the anime version.). However, working at a high school I have met people who quite literally (Don't you mean figuratively? I Literally know no people who know the meaning, or use the word figuratively in everyday conversation. ... That's not funny. Yes. Yes, yes it is.) don't use any other words to extend their sentence, and it makes me sad. Partially because it makes it lose it's punch. I recall that I have sworn on the blog before and HUMBLY APOLOGISE to anyone this may have offended.
My mother has found out way too much about me already. I'm not sure how much of this blog my mother has read, but she's promised me that she read a large amount of it, and wondered how a person who rarely speaks, has so much on his mind that he believes other people should read.
But I have tried to only use it in circumstances where I don't think anything else would of worked. I use font effects such as bold to differentiate the people talking in my head because I don't think people read bold in their head very loudly, just differently. Caps lock does add something, but when you are talking about the ten seconds of film which speaks to you very loudly that you wanna get up do something about something you have no control over, so it just bubbles inside you until the voice screams profanity into the very depths of your soul until
TANGENT DETECTED. What? Oh. As I was saying, I don't mind people speaking profanity as long as it's really trying to stress a point. I was told off in second year for misusing the word "epic" in regards to fails and wins, calling fails epic, when they were indeed, regular fails. In doing so, I found epic lost it's meaning, and started using Uber and Astronomical too much, and the cycle was getting worse, luckily as a frequenter of the internet, someone was soon to re-correct my assessment of fails and wins so I didn't look like a douche on the internet, which is a challenge. Speaking of hygiene of the privates though,
INAPPROPRIATE TANGENT DETECTED. I really wanna talk about some intimate personal hygiene products that I found very interesting, specifically it's about this gynacalogically tested deodorant I found whilst looking for tissues.
VERY INAPPROPRIATE TANGENT DETECTED. Dammit, there's this bit I wanna do about the weird things about smell pretty and I have no outlet for it, (I'm never going to get that tweet now, am I?) Facebook is filled with family members, I have no idea what the readers of this blog are offended by and the fact that one of my posts has been considered containing valuable information for study papers. (Yes, I know it was done by a search troll, it was picked up of the 74th search result page for "Need assignment site:blogspot.com, so got an automatic comment.) And another one of my posts has become an placement for an infomercial which I don't have the heart to delete due to the fact that it joins a total of 31 comments across all my posts.
Darn I would of loved to perform at the stand up on Tuesday but unfortunately never saw the place I could apply. I really wanna vent some of this blog as stand up, of course drastically shorten it. And add power point slides, cause more stand up needs power point. to at least show how to properly use power point. Either do that or a LIVE post, just have a Skype call or a live cast going the entire time I'm writing the post, so people can suggest ideas ask me to clarify things and generally put a voice and a face to a wall of text. I'm serious, email me some times and you can help me get a post which doesn't just derail into every experience I have encountering a person of the opposite sex.
"You want some company while you wait?"
Although my social life alternatives generally serve me well in terms of talking with the outside world, there are occasions when i find myself in situations that large amounts of people would find 'normal.' Last Saturday I went out clubbing, and for the most part, it was sitting wondering how people can live in these situations.
I've talked about this before, but I'll say it again. If I wanted to sit with a bunch of people I've met, attempting to talk in an environment where it was impossible to communicate, while a bunch of people sit/dance near who I don't know, who have no intention of communicating or acknowledging my presence, I'd fess up to my illegal online activities (of which I partake in none.) and spend some time in prison where the food and drinks are cheaper.
For one part, what drinks do you serve? There is apparently a list somewhere of all the drinks you can get in clubs\bars, and I'd like to see it. Don't just say "What would you like?" I haven't been out drinking much, I have only tried half a dozen mixers, how do I know what I'll like? Has everyone ordered all of the drinks so they know what they like? Or do they just find one they like and stick with it? DAMMIT, JOHN, I'm a network engineer, not the owner of the second largest health and fitness chain in the greater London area, I need declaration of my parameters!
Oh and every second place is booked out with a private function, so not only do people only like socialising with only the people they know, the also must have no one else around disturbing them. Stay home. save money, and sit in your boring everyday surroundings, with your everyday people.
Is there a club somewhere, which acts like Omegle or Chat Roulette? Don't laugh like that. Yes, I know you've seen way too many naked dudes on Chat Roulette to take it seriously - I think I'm onto something here. You sit at the bar or at a table, you talk, but after a random period of time your chair moves around and places you with another group of completely random strangers. You are forced outside your comfort zone and talk with people you may hate, you may find you like. There are 6+ billion people in the world, and people are forced into friendships with people who they work with on a daily basis, there's thousands of people out there a lot of whom you'd get on with, but will never meet because there will never be introduced. Even the Facebook friend finder normally just picks up friends of friends which you already know, rather than picking randoms from the other side of the planet which you have similar status updates with.
If you could go out and TRUELY socialise, well you never know what might happen. Sure there will be people who abuse this for one night stands, people who get into fights after being matched up with people with no common ground, but the first version of /bin/passwd would only allow one person to run it at a time. These sing only get worked out through beta testing.
Of course you could expand on this to make sensors and microphones pick up what conversations you are talking up and force like minded people to meet up, but that's no really the point.
There's a ballroom dance called Snowball, which uses this theory the compare yells "Snowball" you get with another partner. And you're forced to dance with them for a couple of minutes, so the ideas not new, so there, dear Murdoch, my "Free Thinking" idea to improve the world. Bars that make you meet people. And I didn't need to get together with a free thinking sociologist, I thought of it all by myself. Alone. On a Friday night. Wishing I had something to do.
Either that, or an alarm clock that makes no noise. There's times when my alarm clock has gone off and I haven't got up, and just switched it off, cause it's just annoying. So here we go, an alarm clock which wakes you up naturally. The body responds to sunlight a LOT. You're body becomes naturally tired in a dark environment, and the real reason it knows to wake up in the morning is because there is brighter light than there was when you went to sleep. So about 1/2 an hour before you set your alarm to 'go off' a light attached to it naturally lights up at a speed that will naturally affect the body and wake it up and ease it out of sleep nicely. If there was any noise, it would be a natural morning noise... Birds, leaves rustling... lawnmowers. That one I did come up with talking a human biologist. Not free thinking mind you, very straight forward and logical thinking, in fact. Of course, there is also the debate that the body will abruptly wake up alert to physical stimulus. So if you could get a timer and connect it to a vibrator then maybe.. Maybe waking up could be a most enjoyable experience indeed... I am aware these sort of alerts are available to the deaf and hard of hearing, but you know, if they wake people up better, than why am I left with BEEP BEEP BEEP every morning. You have a crap day when it starts on a bad note. And I'm just saying maybe the human race could collectively have a much better life experience if waking up every morning was.. erm.. Fulfilling.
Where did my tangent monitor go? Because what I was going to talk about was a night in a club where I saw a girl alone in the corner, Matt and I had run out of things to talk about, so I decided to invite her in on a conversation cause she was bored. The first bar we went to, we were assumed to be on a date. I mean, two guys go out there immediately in a relationship? Whatever happened to 'on the prowl? Okay, one of our drinks were pink, but that's because of not knowing what drinks are available.
Why won't this magical list of drinks available in bars include my alcoholic milkshakes? I mean, the sucky thing about alcoholic drinks, is that people drink them slowly, cause of the throat burn. Downing beer is considered impressive by groups wanting to out primal each other because they can tolerate large amounts of the burn. This could be solved by non-"stereotypically feminine orientated" drinks that taste
awesome and not like cleaning products.
Also there should be a way to accurately calculate how much alcohol you need to make you enjoy everyday situations. I mean, the main reason that people seem to drink is to forget their mundane BEEP BEEP BEEP mornings by turning up the glare. When people act like idiots when they're drunk, that's no fun for the people around them.
So yes, 1/4 cup of chocolate sauce at the bottom of a big glass, blend together 1/2 a cup of Kahlua , a cup of milk, two scoops of mint choc chip ice cream, poor it on the sauce, spray of cream, drizzle of caramelized sugar and I'd take anyone on in a skulling competition with that. Diabetes and alcohol poisoning all in one glass... Seriously, where did my tangent monitor go?
So I walked up to the female sitting alone, females attend meeting places like this in groups to fend of single creepy people coming up to them wanting to chat. Normally with one token male, who will spontaneously become anyone's partner in order to appear taken. Just an observation I have come across... So I first asked if she was waiting for someone, she said yes, so I went back to my table and waited a couple of miutes.. She's still alone, as long as I don't go over looking like I'm trying to chat her up, I'm going over there because the conversation with Matt has faded into wondering where we could acquire some cheap barstools... Damn, I'm starting to realise how we could be interpreted as a couple of guys on a date.
We need female company. Screw it, the worse she can do is say is "fuck off" and then mace me and I've always been curious to what mace feels like. Lachlan, come on you can do this, you touched at least 70 randoms at a music festival, you can convince one random to sit and have some friendly conversation till her mates arrive.
I ask if she'd like some company she collects her things, moves back to our table and the conversation keeps us there another couple of hours. Which is nice. Getting to hear the phrase "Au Pair" in everyday conversation. Not really my kinda girl, but good in proving to myself that I can talk to anyone and talk normal conversation.
So there it is, three small phrases which went to weird places.
Graffiti of the week, you deserve some, you read through this, it's been a few blogs since I've posted some, so here it is... Just for you.
"Toilet Walls, the original Internet" "Must be a dodgy ISP cause I'm always logging off in here."
I see what you did there... But what are you filling the tubes with?
"What happens if I give up my 2 fav Drugs?" "You will be unbelievably (Although here it looks like they tried to write three different words and instead mushed them all together.) bored when there is nothing good on TV"
Until I think of something else to say, Good bye.
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