My English teachers throughout my schooling found my writing style to be very passionate. They could always hear my voice talking within it, in my deep mellow soothing voice, much like a Vuvuzela. It is with this tone that those teachers were upset that my language wasn't very emotive, reading through some of my past submissions, incorrectly spelt words, wrong words and missed words break up the tone and make it unclear what I'm actually trying to say. And that's just last month's post.
However, they found it nice that they could always compliment my passion before docking marks for my content, case in point, a year 10 submission that my English teacher believed I must of been hungover in the creation of due to the work she believed was at about a year 6 level. But apart from breaking my self esteem on several occasions, that teacher did believe, in the right circumstances that there could be flashes of brilliance from this otherwise AS 5601 compliant mind. So, in the pursuit to find if other people who communicate in the way I do, I recently feed this entire blog post into a writing analyser, based on word selection, tone of voice, and other literary concepts which can be determined by a WHILE loop, I found that there is actually a best seller who writes like me. And when I say, "Writes like me" I'm talking to the enth degree.
Cory Doctorow starts off one of his books with "This page has been intentionally left blank." All his characters go by screen names. All his stories are future technological dystopian. Dealing with social technology issues, such as the development of Crime Prevention via social scanning and profiling (Do your Tweets sound crazy? Does your web history show you've gone on forums with questionable hacking content? Better lock you up just in case.) or in his book "For The Win" discusses concepts around virtual economy, with MMO's like WoW, using a combination of real/virtual currency and gold farmers being arrested, IRL, there's some dodgy future of organised crime, and we're talking far beyond joining a guild then going LEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRROOOOYYY JENKINS! on them. Oh and his male characters are desperate.
The author supports P2P sharing development, has been spoofed in XKCD and gives out non final copies of his books as prizes in competitions, which are known to contain spelling errors. Awesome.
However, not cool, author who writes like me is successful, me, authoring blog - not read by close family.
So in some vein attempt to stay original, I abondon my well cemented writing style for the remainder of the post to acquire a more varied audience, Maestro, some film noir/1930's mystery movie music if you please, as I explain my past couple of not very exciting, un-blog worthy weeks.
"The email arrived on some ungodly hour on a Thursday morning, seven in the morning is a hell of a time to receive news that may affect you for the rest of your life. I woke up with light of day piercing through the overcast and dreary morning. The sunlight rudely piercing my eyelids to interrupt my regular 14 hours of unconsciousness. The mostly drained bottle resting lopsided at the foot of my bed reminded me of the hell I'd decided to inflict on my body after another rough day at work. I decided to fulfill primal urges, reaching over and downing the remaining contents of nectar that I had be using as a stimulant for the last few depressing weeks. The immediate slashing to my throat immediately made me regret my actions.Solo can be a bitch on your throat first thing in the morning...
While my throat recovered the remainder of my mind as the boot sector of my laptop clicked into gear, I thought to myself over the pointlessness of the last couple of days, endless waiting that had got me nowhere, and I was now tending to using the dying time off on my laptop wasting the hours with pointless objectives. Such as getting the audio of my phone, other computer and laptop to play through a single set of speakers, it was achievable, at the cost of using some bootleg bluetooth drivers.
This making me stray from the compliment, solid drivers that I trusted to function for a more daring perceptive, which may cause the unraveling of some future event when I'd require them working for something serious. Indeed, as with all my equipment, I gave my hardware a run for it's money and a home brewed driver is a fickle mistress, it can be bug-free on one rig, or tare apart the mess, leaving you to pick up the pieces after a tantrum taking some of standard functionality of an OS with it. Granted, my OS has started trying to vent its frustrations of serving a devil of a master. It was booting into temporary profiles a lot these days, and I gave it some extra time to probably establish a wireless connection before beating my password onto the well-worn keys. Occasionally hardware will be nice if you do take the time out to treat it nice and give it time to get ready before revealing itself to the world.
Those keys have got me through flame wars, LAN parties and lonely nights to unsavory to mention. It would be unfortunate that tonight would be one of those nights due to the set future events which would soon occur. My browser slid up with ease opening tabs for my email, Facebook and a female vision of beauty teasing me with a leek which again was just proof that I can't trust my friends not to troll me. My eyes widened as my future lay before me. An email had arrived from the ABS as promised, containing my future involvement with the group. My body became limp and frail and the words "Regret to inform" "Unsuccessful" and "Fax: (02) 6252 8062" It wasn't just the depression from finding out that a government department still used a modem-to-modem communication method, but also had found me unsuitable for their business. I sighed, it would be some time before the reality would set in that my future after the end of this year is now undefined as a bad pointer.
After informing the various family members, press and my kidnappers to my predicament it then fell on me to seal myself of the world, crack open a can of V and attempt to hide from the world that I had brought so much shame to. It is at these moments when we feel our lowest that life throws us a couple more punches to the chest to see how much pain we can tolerate while we are writhing on the floor in agony. It was then I met her. She couldn't of been older than 18, and in a world of creepy men trying to young innocents like her, I make sure I get there first to know exactly what to avoid. After ratting out my cousin for having an absurd obsession with period drama she found it a necessity to comment in agreement, after finding someone with a mutual disrespect to my cousin, I always think it most important to find what other things we have a mutual hate over, we talked long into the night, commenting on my cousins post, until her infernal rage of seeing me flirt with someone she knew, like watching Lions fighting over the carcass of a person she loved, lead to my cousin defriending me and blocking all contact with me and my apologies.
She hadn't thought this through as a family who hold family events frequently, she could not hide from me forever, and her look of disgust at me in real life was much stronger than her emoticon had led me to believe.
Meanwhile, the girl distracted me from my recent shortcomings. I examined this woman over the next few days delving into her profile and motivations behind her posts like a dog discovers a new bone. Finding her fascinating unique qualities, her drive behind her posts and likes was I entranced due to the fact that she was truly an enjoyable kind of insane, or was I just appreciating the fad due to the fact she's the first woman to arrive on my scene in awhile, I was yet to find out, but after three days and finding myself yet to come up with a reason for removing her from my news feed, I found that she at least had earned her place for some very characterful admissions. Being able to converse about Doctor Who in the fan girl way, rather than the serious scientific way, expected of me is always a big plus.
Although she did post some song lyrics and admission for liking the show "The Hills"
It is that moment when I realise a girl that comments on my status and even has considered reading my blog that it'll never work out. Life isn't like a game of Sims, you can't just keep hitting flirt until "WooHoo" appears on the hot tub. She changed her profile picture like she does her partner, frequently, each looking more drunk than the previous. Whilst it is up to some of us to enjoy the fruits of youth, some of us are confined to the quest of monogamy. A bright eyed young lass like herself has no reason to hang around with a boring geek like myself.
I like my women like my drivers, giving me the confidence to do stupid shit just cause I can.
Also she's gay. So... There's a bit of a downer right there.
It's funny how life tempts us with carrots only to knock us flat when we seem to be enjoying ourselves too much, but it'll be a Technicolour Big Sleep before I stop reporting any of them to you.... Good night, and may you enjoy the black car of life enough to forget about the bird shit."
So when you gonna start blogging in your normal voice again?
When the swelling goes down
So when you going to stop blogging about randoms you meet and hit on?
That's a stupid question. I write about them because the stories are interesting and true. You'll see changes if one of the randoms sacrifices her self worth or something more major comes up, such as what I'll actually be doing next year. Such as if I become fuhrer there will be posts about tiny miniskirts.
What's your opinion of the upcoming election?
One of them promised me faster internet, I'm voting for them. What? You think something is going to get done about the more major issues? This is a blog and blogs are no place to talk about politics or my viewpoints!
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