Children's Films and Romance 3/3, and so the lion fell in love with the lamb and found out spare ribs were delicious

My blog does not represent the views of Murdoch or any of its affiliates. All posts are NOT to be taken seriously and are written only for entertainment purposes.

Final film, a film you probably haven't seen, and its' sequel, okay so really it's two films.


This is more of a film review, because a lot of people haven't seen this film and it's actually quite livable.


A couple of years ago a kids animated film got made in France. When it was given to the Western world, the distributor decided to make it appeal to a younger demographic and removed the really strong love scenes in the film.


The film bombed everywhere this cut down version was shown and did successfully everywhere else. The film bombed so hard in Australia, that the sequel is yet to be imported. You may of heard of it as "Arthur and the Invisibles." but the film I want to talk about is the UNCUT AND UNRATED VERSION "Arthur and the Minimoys" a film I liked so much, I got a copy imported from Greece.


Now, some of the first bit of the film's story is a little screwed up, there's a tall tribe in Africa, and a race of tiny people who get along great, and for some reason move to Connecticut. Let's just ignore this bit, Grandfather of Arthur had a treasure and went to hide it with the Minimoys when he got shrunk and was never seen again. Grandma's house is being foreclosed and it's up to Arthur to shrink, join the Minimoys and work out WTF happened.


And we meet said love interest for Arthur, Seleneya. Seleniya? See-len-e-yarr. Selenia. However it is spelt.


Now, Selenia is a head strong female protagonist who is pulling out a short from a stone, or at least attempting to. 


Yeah, "Aurthur" get it? First point why this film is watchable by a 20 year old, parody is very well done here, not subtle,  but clever. Pulp Fiction dancing during a sword fight, the great Hurbie reference I said above, but anyway...


So, as predicted, Selenia must go with Arthur to save her kingdom, huzzah! And even though at one point he steal the lace holding up her bodice there comes the first moment of Selenia, as Aurthur saves her and her brother's lives a stack of times, and she only has two days to find it mate, it becomes convenient that Arthur is that person to rule the kingdom with her.


Now I want you to do a little experiment, next time you have a headache, take the pill you want to use, and place it under your tongue, now instead of the usual time it takes for that pill to be broken down in the stomach and set to the brain, the paracetamol will be sent straight there. Only in a recent study has it revealed what the magical absorption under the tongue is there for. Turns out spit. But not yours.


It was found that your saliva contains quite a bit of testosterone, the absorption is there to give a person you're making out with, your testosterone, and inspire them to have sex.


i.e. Want a person to have sex with you? Give them as much of your saliva as you can.


Hey, I didn't design you! But if I did, totally would add this in. Awesome. Now following this line of Gross but interesting logic, it is guessed that this actually where the idea of fallacio  actually might of originated from, that the HUGE amount of testosterone in


Wait, I wasn't talking about a kids film at some point?


Ah yes, so Selenia, the very self motivated girl splits up with Arthur saying "You go find your treasure, I've got stuff to do" and he's all Starfish like "So she's like, 'k, probably going to die here, so I'll give my powers to you." For some reason, the first time a Minimoy makes out with another their powers are exchanged.


However, it is elaborated to the audience that they are now married and their "powers" was actually stuff like status in the kingdom and all the things that married couples usually share. I think this is an actual good way to explain it to the young audience, although you don't see groups of male and female Minimoys fighting about the definition of 'powers' and why two same sex Minimoys can't share them.


Aurthur is then congratulated on the wedding and how moving it was by the younger brother of Selenia tagging along. Another brilliant point about Weddings, they should be short, to the point and in a romantic situation. Like in "PotC: At World's End." 


Arthur gets thrown in prison, and after a delightful reunion with in grandfather, comes the corny romantic scene. The good one is at the end, this one could of used better words, cause 


Selenia: "I failed, Aurthur, I'm sorry all is lost."
Aurthur: "No, Selenia, as long as we are still alive and love each other nothing will ever be lost. 
Selenia: "Oh, Arthur you're so full of hope."
Aurthur: "Look at me, just yesterday I was a small lonely kid and today... I married a princess."
Selenia: "A happy princess cause she's finally found her prince charming"


Is just a little blurgh, they go to kiss and your like 'oh this could not get any..' until, like all best kiss scenes should, it gets rudely interrupted by the fact that an ancient Minimoy tradition that  after the first kiss, no matter how brief, 1000 years must pass before the next one occurs.


1000 years?! Oh, okay they have a weird system where 0.28 days = one year, that would mean well, 28 days is one moon cycle, so it would just be 10 of them. Holy shit. Ten moons. 280 days?!


So then there's a fight scene and Aurthur gets to drive Selenia around in a toy car, and then he has to go back and Aurthur's all like "see ya, gonna be a long ten moons" and she's all like


Selenia: "To hell with protocol!"


We see mouth, we see possible tongues and ears wagging. It's an impressive kiss as a replacement for "Let's have a long distance relationship" sex.


the treasure is found, the  house saved and the bad dude of the Minimoys kicked out of the kingdom and we end with both Aurthur and Selenia saying they will be patient.


And we proceed into its' sequel. Actually like 3/4 of the way through cause there's a few problems with the second one.


The halfway mark, congratulations.


Now Arthur has gotten more in touch with nature, including a scene with him sleeping next a bear and getting pee'd on by a wolf. Awesome.


Has Jacob pee'd on Bella? You sort of assume so when you think about it,he's territorial, she's young and experimenting with two unnatural beings. Yeah, I could see her going scat.


He's also spent the last two weeks looking at the moon, and you can tell that he's just a little bit excited about returning.


Meanwhile, the Minimoys are preparing for his great return with a great feast prepared by an Italian guy. How do I know this Minimoys Italian, he's got a mustache, he's short he says "Mama Mia". Apparently all Italians take after Mario. Wonder if he's got a princess in another castle?


The Minimoys themselves have also gone through a cast change, one of the disappointing things of the film. They kept Snoop Dog, but lost Selenia's voice now a lot of people say this was good cause in the original it was voiced by Madonna. Madonna was actually a great voice for Selenia because 1. You didn't SEE her, 2. Because she is old, her voice is slightly deep and mature. She's now voiced by a 12 year old, who gives her an unlikable perkiness, which makes me glad that she only has 4 or so lines in the film. Her wiseness is gone, she's now a twelve year old after two cokes. Sure I'm currently reviewing the after effects of a couple at uni, who have went from 21 year olds concerned about next year and 19th century poets and authors, to two 14 year olds who have found the sugar. Arthur runs away from his parents and almost kills himself a couple of times to get to the Minimoys, only to find she's gone missing. Long story short, being held hostage by the kick out previous villian, once voiced by someone who has a voice you don't mess with to being voiced by a drugged up guy.. 


Said bad guy then finds he's way back to the real world but instead of turning into a human he just gets big. Arthur appears to be stuck as a Minimoy but has he's beloved Selenia. The bad guy is out going to destroy the world and it cuts to black, awesome. I know there's going to be a third and didn't mind it ending like this.


I did mind:


1. Arthur being shown in a 5 second preview as a human, fighting two other full size Minimoys


Seriously this ruins the suspense, maybe it's best for him to stay a Minimoy with his princess.
Why is he the only one turned into a human when coming back? If he gets turned into a Minimoy going there, why aren't the Minimoys turned into people coming back? I'm guessing that Selenia will come back with him and for some reason turned into a human (Reason why Selenia is now voiced by a person the same age as the boy who plays Arthur.) and it'll leave me more pissed off then ever.


2. Poker Face performed by the girl who now voices Selenia and some girls of a similar age. Not a clever parody. Word for word. I hope someone told them what a "Love Glue Gun" is.


Uh.. Annndd... That's it. I'm out. almost 5,000 words, inappropriate swearing, sexual references and 3 of my fave kid's films all over 3 posts. 


Enough, now I must wait for a reader who actually reads it. This may take a while.